Realization because of Cello's Donuts (something to do about relationships)

 As I mentioned in my previous post, my sister and I had a realization while we were eating Cello's donuts yesterday.

Cello's Donuts is along Katipunan Ave, Quezon City, and it is a stone-throw away from my school and Rei's school. We had our individual stories regarding that place, both about a relationship. As we shared each other's stories yesterday, we realized that Rei was a side character of a shoujo manga.

Rei had a crush on Prince*, the best friend of the protagonist. And if I were to describe him in my own words from yesterday:

"So, he is that best friend. The quiet, mysterious, upper-class, pampered, good-looking, intelligent best friend." Practically the best friend of the protagonist in every shoujo manga. The protagonist, King*, is athletic, outgoing, friendly, independent,  middle-class, and does well in academics.

For some reason, Rei invited Prince to go to a hobby shop, which is the same place and is the same owner of Cello's Donuts. On the way there, they met King. He was surprised that Rei and his best friend were together. He then started to tease my sister and Prince. When he left, Rei apologized to Prince because of the teasing. Prince smiled and shrugged it off. They then continued to their destination.

Upon realizing the "characters" in her story, she said:

"No wonder I was not getting anywhere! I was a side-character in a shoujo manga!"

These brought us both to tears laughing.

As for me, I told Rei that mine was not as compelling as hers.

Cello's Donuts brings me bitter and sweet memories. A confrontation happened with the person I had a relationship with, and the said person walked out. Though, it was also the same place where I met a close friend of mine. I told her that the relationship between the person I was involved with and me was over. We had an engaging chat while eating after that.

At first, we just accepted my memory as a simple story. I then jokingly said that if I changed the gender of the people in my narrative, maybe it might become a BL manga. We laughed aloud again, but then I realized that was possible. And from then onwards, I continued to fall into a dark rabbit hole. Update on a story based on my college relationship maybe in a few weeks? or months? We'll see.

The most ironic about all this is that my sister is known for being a fujoshi queen. In the end, she was part of a shoujo manga. For me, I admit that I tend to like shoujo mangas. In the end, it was me who is part of a BL manga.

The irony of it all.

Socially Withdrawn

For the last four years, I have been socially withdrawn, limiting my interaction and social ties with siblings, my parents, and a handful of friends. Then again, I am an introvert in the first place. It just happened that my world seemed smaller after I gave birth to my daughter about 5 years ago.

This pandemic seemed to have just worsened my condition.

I saw a documentary about people who disappear on their own accord and the hikikomori culture, both from Japan. I am aware of the hikikomori culture in Japan. Though this was the first time that there was a slightly positive tone to it. Here is a link to the documentary:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1uhyM7gN50&t=1092s

This gave me insight that I was not expecting.

I understand the intention and the feelings of people who want to suddenly disappear and have a new life. I will not lie. The thought is at the back of my head, but of course, I will not do it. Though I never really realized that there was such a phenomenon in Japan. Some people cannot keep up with the expectations that are set up for them. This can be daunting, especially if you have a family - I am one of those people. 

Excuses and weakness are what other people would say. This notion is toxic. These views may even be one of the culprits why "escape" feels like the only option.

In Japan, some teenagers feel that they do not fit in society and cannot escape. Locking themselves inside the room seems to be the solution, the hikikomori culture. Staying within one's comfort zone seems a comfortable decision. Though in the long run, there are grave consequences that are also mentioned in the documentary.

In the documentary, I heard about Futokos, kids who develop anxiety and refuse to physically go to school. This has been a concern for years now. But it comes out there are small groups now that create a better environment for these kids. When the children eventually adjust, they successfully go back to the school system.

A kid that was considered a futoko has decided to be home-schooled. The parents support his decision. Personally, I think parents' support is a big help in any decision of a child.

Personally, I felt the anxiety of going to school when I was younger. But my feelings were downplayed, and they said I was too sensitive. As a young child, it has always been instilled in me. Growing up, I have always felt insecure, incapable, and lacking in confidence. Though I have been trying to change that in my adult years, there are times that I still second-doubt myself.

Socially isolating myself by living in the province had its pros and cons. Life in the rural is definitely simpler. My problem was that the type of education my daughter needed was not in the province - or so I thought. We moved to the city months before my daughter's school was supposed to start. Unfortunately, the pandemic happened. The rest is history.

I was about to prepare myself for the hustle and bustle of being in the city. But in the end, my social isolation was extended.

In addition to my social isolation status, I recently deactivated my Facebook account for security reasons. I only left two social accounts active and my blog. Once again, I limited my social connections. Mind you,  this is an opportunity for me to re-assess the people that I am friends with on social media. It has only been a week since I deactivated my Facebook account, but I already sense a little peace and calm in my daily life. We will see what might happen in the next few weeks.

Being socially withdrawn for some time now, maybe it's not that bad as most people describe it. In my case, I was able to find people who accept me for being socially withdrawn. Shout out to my high school friends who would welcome me when I "appear" and understand when I "disappear." Also, a big thank you to my sister Rei, always there for me every day, literally. 😃😃😃

“No day, but today”

There have been posts in Facebook recently where someone tags you and you have to post for 7-12 days about books, movies, or songs that inspired or moved you (there are different variations of these posts). Unfortunately, I am not the kind to post something like that everyday, because I am lazy also, I only have a handful of “things” that have moved me. 🤣🤣🤣

So I decided to just make a blog post about it. 🤣🤣🤣

Well, another reason why I want to make a post about it here is because in the facebook posts, you are not allowed to put any details why or how the picture/video you posted changed or moved you.

In my case, I want to share, why these musicals/ movies have influenced me.

First off, The Phantom of the Opera.

I cannot count how many times I have resolved to watching The Phantom of the Opera when I hit a brick wall while doing projects at school. You could say I liked the glamour of the movie but at the same time I liked the angst within the movie.

Next is, Prince of Tennis the Musicals (Tenimyu).

I didn’t watch the anime nor read the manga, but the musical I sort of followed. 😅😅😅 It was my dear friend Tessa and my sister Rei who introduced me to the musical. The songs from the musicals helped me through my college years, a year in medical school and my first few years working. I remember we even had a high grade in our Physical Education class when we used one of the songs from the musical, in addition to that, we “forced” our professor to let us use a badminton rackets instead of the usual rhythmic instruments used in dancing. I was gutsy in college. 😑😑😑 It was also because of these musicals that I had more confidence in dancing any style I want.

Lastly, Rent the Musical.

First time I heard a song from Rent (other than Seasons of Love) was in high school. It was my friend Lian who let me hear the song, Light my Candle on her Discman. But it was only in my first year of college that I heard all the songs and watched the movie. This musical changed my life. “No day, but today” was my motto for more or less six years. And in those six years, I had adventures I never thought I would experience. After a few years, I seem to have forgotten this motto. I had regrets, pain and self-doubt that I lost myself. It is only recently that I began to uplift myself.. I still have those times where my emotions devour me, but I seem to manage them better now. A few weeks ago, I heard one of the songs from Rent, One Song Glory by no other than Adam Pascal. Once again, it changed me. I listened and watched snippets of the musical and felt more motivated to continue pulling myself out of the rubble of self-pity and regret. Rent the Musical Broadway Production has officially closed in 2008, but the songs still reverberate in everyone’s hearts, most specially mine.

I also like songs from different musicals but these are my top three that really made a mark in my head in in my heart.

My family and I, we are what you would call hopeless romantics. 😅😅😅 In addition to that, we are easily overcome by our emotions. Me specifically, I can be so overwhelmed by my emotions that I actually cease to function. Of course after watching and listening to these productions, I feel more motivated and refreshed, to move on and face my impending struggles.

I will try my best to live my life with content, happiness and appreciation with these songs from productions that will always inspire me. And I end my post with my favorite line from Rent, “Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way, no day but today.”

Skeleton in my closet

I’ll keep it short.

It was high school.

I was vulnerable, naive, desperate and lost.

He took advantage.

I kept it secret...

Until now.

I found out there more of us.

But I had it worst.

——-

This is the statement of my batch, MCHS Pink 2006.

Details about the issue is searchable on the internet.

Fan fiction

Ever since I was in high school, I have read fan fiction about my favorite animes. It was a different universe, ideas and thoughts of other “writers/fans” adding more spice to an already interesting anime. It was my run-to when I was feeling sad even during my college years.

I remember, my high school friends and I even had our group fan fiction with characters from different animes we watched and our own characters. After some time, the fan fiction was discontinued since we went to different schools for college, though we talk about bits and pieces about it when we get together.

Eventually I started to make my own fan fictions with my character in it, though I never published any of my stories. It was just a way to pass time or to continue that exciting feeling once I’ve finished an anime.

Fan fiction has also been a way for me and my sister to bond. We would share fan fictions we see online and even add more details to it; or even make our own fan fiction, based on a different fan fiction. It was and is still a blast doing this with my sister Rei.

It has been almost six years since I made a fan fiction or even a single plot bunny based on an anime, manga or movie.

Recently, I find myself making a fan fiction about a BL movie/ manga that I watched/read. This time it was a way of escape from the unbearable pains or reality. Yes, I am day dreaming, but when I think about it, it has made me calmer and more focused.

It is only now that I realized how much fan fiction has been a crucial part of my life. It has guided me through high school, became a bonding moment for me and my sister, and now, my survival pill in this tormenting reality.

I am not a writer but i don’t think that will stop me from making fan fictions.

Till next time~

PS. According to my sister, I once told her:

Fan fics does not always follow the intro-conflict-climax-resolution pattern. Most of the time it's "how to get from scene one to scene 57." 😂😂😂

birthday!

to everyone who greeted me today, thank you very much. (^_^)

22 years!

i am thankful for all the blessings i have received, specially the year that has passed.

the year that has passed is quite challenging, to be more specific, the med school life.

i have discovered a lot of things about myself and this has helped me build my "self".

i am very thankful for the knowledge i have received,

my med school friends who gave me guidance and protection.

they comforted me in times of great distress,

and they have witnessed my tears and my smiles. (^_^)

i am very thankful for their patience with me specially when studying.

i will always be grateful to them.

i am also thankful that i am now a member of the singles for christ community.

they have been my support during my difficult moments.

the prayers and the company has helped me feel closer to God.

they have made me realize and strengthen my spiritual faith.

this community has also become my outlet in sharing my talents and finding a part of myself that has been suppressed for some time now.

through this community, i felt that have become stronger in a lot of ways. (^_^)

to all the people in the past and in the present who have touched my life,

who have inspired me, pushed me forward and pulled me up,

i thank you from the bottom of my heart.

to God Almighty, thank you for all the blessings you have given me and thank you for the guidance.

i continue life and live it to the fullest~

(~_~)

food

this days is just all about food!

it started with the "grand breakfast spanish tortilla"

i usually make omelette for breakfast, but with this much ingredients and being more meticulous with how i cook it,

it obviously was something "grand" for me to do.

when we went out to buy ingredients for lunch,

we passed by a stall selling guavas.

we could not resist, we had to buy some.

we love the guavas we ate when we were still staying in the province.

rarely do we eat guavas here in the city. (^_^)

for lunch we had eggplant tortilla.

it was rushed due to my laziness but based from those who ate it, they said it was delicious.

lastly, dinner.

after seven years, i was finally able to "recreate" the squash soup that i ate that i tasted during our high school prom!

it was the perfect color, taste, texture, everything! (^_^)

but right now, i feel so tired that i can't even think of a single dish for tomorrow. (TwT)

yume - dream 2

i had a dream again last night. this time, the person in my dream was my third year high school christian life teacher, Sir Rady Olazo.

i can't remember the details but there seems to be an event of some sort. he was with the kids and he seems to be enjoying an activity with them. i saw him, he looked to his side and he saw me. he looked really happy.

Sir Rady Olazo knew a lot of things, events that happened to me during my third year in high school. he was a great help and a great inspiration for me. he tried to help and guide me but still very wary and careful about the teacher-student barrier. i am very thankful that i was able to meet someone like him. (^_^)

yume - dream

i few nights ago, i had a dream. rarely do i remember my dreams. but this one, i definitely remembered because of the people in the dream and the circumstances of the events in the dream.

i was in a classroom with eiji-senpai. the class was obviously about medicine. i failed in that subject and i felt so bad about it that i just quietly walked out of the room. i wandered in different corridors. the corridors were not familiar to me but they were not dark or anything. just a typical corridor or hallways of a school. i felt lonely and lost in thought while walking. i then entered a fire exit door. i saw a narrow stairway. it was neither dark nor light,  normal lighting. i don't remember seeing that staircase before but the feeling felt warm, comfortable and familiar. i saw 2-3 people coming up the stairs and passing by me. they seem to be in a procession of some sort and someone was carrying a statue of mother mary. i then saw my first year high school christian life teacher, Sir Rod Pino. i followed him ( he was also in the procession) and we followed the procession of the statue. we went up the stairs. we paused in one side of the stairway (like a mezzanine), we knelt and we prayed. after a while, we stood up and continued the procession up the stairs. only a short time passed, when i saw myself  kneeling again and praying (another mezzanine?). this time i heard the prayers of those with me but i could not distinguish what they were saying until i heard a familiar female voice behind me. she was praying for me, she was crying... for me. she hugged me from behind. i then felt that i was crying but i felt very comfortable wrapped under her warm arms. she was asking me to come back, be myself once more, forget my worries and be happy again. it was from my second year high school english teacher, Ms. Nutschell Anne Windsor.

other than being my english teacher, she was also one of the founders of the Campus Ministry Auxiliary, my main spiritual support when i was in high school. i had great respect for her in different aspects.

as i felt her embrace gently fading away, i felt more sure of myself. there was a change in the environment. i was was walking towards the classroom i mentioned at the start of the dream. i felt lighter and everything around me seemed more fresh and relaxing. i saw my professor in medicine walking towards me. she was saying something about my failure but i did not seem sad about it. i even smiled at her and said something good. she seems to be taken aback and she merely walked away.

that's all i could remember of my dream. it was like a moment of enlightenment for me. i realized how different i was years back. i've remembered how important the people in high school were for me. how they have changed my life, in a good and bad way, but most definitely in a good way. (^_^)

dinner at lian's place

lee had an advance birthday dinner. (^_^)

unfortunately, only three of us were able to go.

anyways, we had fun chatting, eating a simple yet very delicious dinner and laughing because of different videos lee and hr brothers showed us. (^_^)

to lian/lee,

happy birthday my dear! (^_^)

*lee is a friend of mine from high school days. we've been friends for almost 10 years now. (^_^)

catch up

i went bo's coffee with my former professor, sir sander dayag.

we just had a catch up about life, experiences and what we have been doing recently.

we had snacks after a while, i had green tea latte and sansrival. (^_^)

the green tea latte is high recommended!

dinner with high school friends

last saturdy, i had dinner with my high school friends.

i was late as i still came from practice,

but i'm still glad that i was able to go even if it was just for a few hours.

we talk about high school moments and the music industry of japan.

it was fun seeing most of my friends again after so many months.

lian and bea n. gave us christmas gifts when we were about to leave.

lian gave me a calendar and a lunch box,

while bea n. gave me a money bag.

thank you guys.

till next time (^_^)

cabugoy - cruz nuptial

congratulations to the newly weds! Isabella Cruz - Cabugoy and Casey Cabugoy! (^_^)

their wedding was yesterday and everything was perfect for the event.

here are pictures from the wedding.

most are pictures of the couple and pics with my friends. (^_^)

on a side note, i wore my high school graduation dress for the event.

yes!

five years has passed and i can still wear it! (~_^)

church songs

all my life,

i have been studying in a catholic all-girls school.

from holy spirit school to miriam college.

one of the things i loved while staying in these schools were the songs during mass.

truth is, these songs have comforted me during my times of depression and it has memories that will forever be in my heart. ♥

eiga sai 2011

last weekend, i spent it watching japanese movies for free. (^_^)

Eiga Sai is a yearly film festival to celebrate Japan - Philippines Friendship Month.

this year i was invited by my high school friend karura. (^_^)

last saturday, we watched the movie One Million Yen Girl along with her boyfriend and another friend of hers.

come evening of the same day,

rei and i watched the oscar-awarded movie Departures (Okuribito).

the next day, sunday, rei and i went to mass early because we were planning to watch another movie.

the movie we watched yesterday was Feel the Wind.

the primary reason why i wanted to watch it is because i found out that two of the d-boys members (nakamura yuichi and igarashi shunji) were in the movie (^_^)

in the end, i did not regret it.

i love the movie!

some would say it had a typical plot but the way it was presented in the movie gave me a feel good feeling. (^_^)

it was really inspiring and friendship really makes a lot of things possible. (^_^)

this was my first time to attend the eiga sai even though i was already aware of it so many years ago.

though it was my first time, i seem to have took advantage of it as i watch three movies in two days. (^_^)

hopefully i still get to watch next year. (~_^)

on a totally different note,

this was my sunday outfit, the same outfit i used when we watched eiga sai. (^_^)

a visit

before going to my class yesterday,

i passed by my high school alma mater. (^_^)

though my class was pretty early,

i did not hesitate to visit my former school.

i attended the morning mass at the chapel.

when i was in high school,

i was a member of a student organization, Campus Ministry Auxiliary (CMA),

we are the one in-charge of the morning mass everyday and the special masses done in high school.

i really miss going to the chapel every morning and pray my heart out.

whether for thanksgiving or for help,

after a prayer and the mass,

i felt my troubles become lighter and i could go through the day whatever problems may arise.

i owe a lot to the organization.

if it was not for the influence of prayer from the organization,

i would never have been alive and continue living up to this day.

this is no exaggeration.

there was a time in high school that i was hanging by a thread day by day,

almost clinically depressed and i really needed help.

because of my friends and this organization,

i had hope and i continued living day by day.

attending mass once again made me feel so light,

i have never felt this happy for so long. (^_^)

a walk down memory lane

i was looking at some pictures when i was in high school...

it made me cry (T_T)

i miss my friends and the smiles and our pictorials and certain teachers and staff!!

here is a pic of a few of my friends...

back when i could pull-off the colorful mismatch and a long hair XD

errands + lunch with high school friends

i feel accomplished today. (~_~)

i had 5 errands to attend to today,

and i was able to do them all.

i also had lunch with my high school friends at The Old Spagetti House (TOSH). (~_~)

food was great!

anyways,

though we were not complete i really really really enjoyed the company.

especially lee and mich.

thanks lee for the invite and the anecdotes about your baby encounters.

i love your cute stories.

till next time dears. (^x^)

on a side note,

i once again asked rei to take a picture of me because i love my outfit for our lunch-out. (~_^)
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
COUNTDOWN: 15 DAYS!

small get-together of high school friends/ despedida

though i was the last one to arrive at the small get-together/ despedida of our friend who's going to america,

i was still glad that i came and i was able to share laughs, jokes and intellectual discussions.

(~_~)

hope to see you again soon, ScarMid.

Lee Yap
Karla Fuentes
Catrina Garcia
Alyssa Pabellano

the path

a few years back, there was this pathway that was created near the entrance of our school. there were barren trees planted beside the path to serve as a shade in the future.

take note, i said in the future. (^_^)

when i visited my school today, i saw the results and i was contented. (^_^)

right now, the trees beside the path are very green and they are doing well in giving shade to the path. (^_^)