Officially on paper

In 2011 I attended the College of Medicine of UERM. Unfortunately, it was a short journey, one year to be exact. I did not survive a year in Medicine.

Fast forward to (December) 2021, I officially passed the assessment to be a National Certified Caregiver. This year, I am planning to renew my certification as a first aider under Red Cross.

It's officially on paper!

I once told my college friend/distant cousin that I wanted to save lives but I can't do it since I could not survive med school. She said, "there are other ways."

True enough, there are other ways. 👍👍👍 Shiz-senpai! I did it!

I am not fine, and I am just learning to accept that

I am not fine, and I am just learning to accept that.

From where I am right now, I would have to say that I am just starting and I have a long way to go before I become comfortable in accepting the truth,

that I am not fine.

I am genuinely happy for my friends who post about their family and their lives, but deep inside I have this uncomfortable pain that I can't fathom,

or maybe I know the feeling, I just refuse to acknowledge it.

I just started this journey of rediscovering myself last April/May, and progress has been slow, but I am hopeful.

----

PS this post was inspired by a dear friend of mine, Shiz/ Fuji-senpai <3 Thank you the chat even tough we are miles apart. :)

muchness

i just realized that i was always independent in doing a lot of things but it never really bothered me.

i seemed to be always on a different and bizarre point of view of things,

but i always had fun and enjoyed it.

i was the "sweet little girl" that seemed to just enjoy what life brought her. 

so why exactly am i feeling left out recently if i never gave any fuss about it before?

i mean, i was always part of the "out" crowd but i turned out fine, right?

the realization just made me appreciate myself more.

you deserve a "Gibb's hit on the head" and a "pat on the back".

kudos! (^_^)

on a separate note,

in times like these, i remember fuji-senpai quoting a line from the movie Alice in Wonderland (2010)

"You used to be much more..."muchier." You've lost your muchness."

when she first told me this, we just laughed it off.

now that i remember it, it seems to make sense.

(^_^)

where do I begin (love story)

fuji-senpai, do you remember when you played this on the piano and I would also dance?

music box

a few weeks back, we bought a music box from a small shop. the song that played was "love story." i remember, this was the piece that my fuji-senpai used to play at the piano at our former school. (^_^) anyways, rei and i have been wanting to buy a music box. unfortunately, the ones we saw were totally out of our budget. for this specific music box, it's second-hand, it came from a small shop and it has a simple decoration (compared to those we initially saw) despite that, it was working well, it costs less and it works pretty well. so we think it was a very good buy. (^_^)

birthday!

to everyone who greeted me today, thank you very much. (^_^)

22 years!

i am thankful for all the blessings i have received, specially the year that has passed.

the year that has passed is quite challenging, to be more specific, the med school life.

i have discovered a lot of things about myself and this has helped me build my "self".

i am very thankful for the knowledge i have received,

my med school friends who gave me guidance and protection.

they comforted me in times of great distress,

and they have witnessed my tears and my smiles. (^_^)

i am very thankful for their patience with me specially when studying.

i will always be grateful to them.

i am also thankful that i am now a member of the singles for christ community.

they have been my support during my difficult moments.

the prayers and the company has helped me feel closer to God.

they have made me realize and strengthen my spiritual faith.

this community has also become my outlet in sharing my talents and finding a part of myself that has been suppressed for some time now.

through this community, i felt that have become stronger in a lot of ways. (^_^)

to all the people in the past and in the present who have touched my life,

who have inspired me, pushed me forward and pulled me up,

i thank you from the bottom of my heart.

to God Almighty, thank you for all the blessings you have given me and thank you for the guidance.

i continue life and live it to the fullest~

(~_~)

sunday outfit

pants for today! (^_^)

top: blue blouse was altered from a long sleeved polo (for male) to be a short-sleeved blouse (for female), black tube top was given by an aunt.

pants: floral pants from an uncle.

shoes: school shoes bought last june 2011.

watch: a graduation gift from fuji-senpai last 2010

necklace: a combination of my silver cross, a black ornament from my cousin and a metal chain from my sister, rei.

echizen?

i was given the nickname "echizen" by my senpai-tachi i few years ago.

though it was only later on when i really "accepted" the nickname.

a few days ago,

i bought this top from a friend of mine.

the first time i saw it,

i already knew that i had to buy it.

and this is the reason.

the red top, denim pants, echizen cap and accessories have been with me for a long time.

the grey-black stripped top was the one i bought. (^_^)

it completed the look. (^_~)

orange sky

my previous post was about the white sky this morning.

now, i present the orange sky.

i took this picture while i was at the roof,

a few minutes before the downpour.

why i was on the roof?

well, being the curious and weird girl that i am,

(my sister and a dear friend, fuji-senpai can attest to this.)

i went to our roof to see how strong the winds are.

to witness the sight of trees wildly dancing.

to hear the shake of clothes, plastic and metal in complete submission.

to feel the cold damp winds forcefully clashing with my skin.

to observe the orange blanket of puff creeping over my head.

oh! the whole thing sent shivers up my spine.

the thrill was just overwhelming.

(~_~)

i may have gotten overboard there. (^x^)

anyways, a cold, damn and windy evening to everyone. (^_~)

birthday!

today is oishi shuichiro's birthday!

and my 21st birthday! (~_~)V

i attended mass early in the morning,

went to my dentist to adjust my retainers,

and practically prepared for my birthday dinner for the rest of the day.

fuji-senpai passed by for an hour before she leaves for america tomorrow.

thank you senpai. (^_^)

for today,

i wore green the whole day because it was a special day. (~_^)

pictures!
----------@----------
21 years!

i am very thankful for 21 years of living.

the problems and challenges, the solutions and success,

the tears and the smiles, the enemies and the friends,

family, neighbors, colleagues, classmates, teachers and everyone who became part of my life.

all of these have made me the beatriz that i am now.

i am thankful for God,

his guidance, protection, understanding, patience and love.

for everything he has given me.

may he lead me to the right path as i continue living.

i will live my life to the fullest!

(~_~)

dinner with friends

good evening everyone!

just came back from a dinner with some members of seigaku (plus marion the pet xp).

when we were looking for a place to eat,

we saw by chance fuji-senpai!

she was with another friend of hers (who she also saw by chance ;p)

that is why she was not able to join us for dinner.

anyways, the restaurant we ate at had an american theme.

there was also this jukebox look-a-like. (~_~)

as i was looking at the menu for drinks,

i saw vodka cruser!

i just had to order one!

eiji-senpai also had one because of me and she liked it! (~_~)

on my way home,

i passed by a convenience store and bought another bottle of vodka cruser.

love it!

oh! i almost forgot,

when i arrived home,

i asked rei to take a picture of me because i really love my outfit. (~_~)
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
COUNTDOWN: 17 DAYS!

ora doushita boi

when we went to fuji-senpai's place this afternoon,

she showed us a few sketches of the Amakusa bloodline and the Nioh bloodline.

in one of the almost done sketches there was a comment on the side which made me remember a line by Toshiki Masuda (2nd Seichi Yukimura, Tenimyu)

"ora doushita boi~"

oh~

(^o^)

swimming!

yosh!

rei and i was able to go for a swim today!

V (^_^) V

though it was only for 45 minutes,

it was enough time for us to enjoy it.

(~_~)

after our swim,

we visited fuji-senpai.

she was in a "tight situation" last week and we wanted to check how she was doing.

it was sort of good news that her situation lightened a bit,

though still praying and hoping for better results. (~_~)

on our way home,

rei and i passed by waku-waku.

it was there where i "bumped" into eiji-senpai and her "pet".

we were so amazed.

(~_~)

this day went very very good from what i initial expected.

arigatou minna-san.

(~_^)

prayers

for my sister, fuji-senpai and all the people who face difficulty in their own way.

"and He said, "cast your burdens upon Me, those who are heavily laden... come to Me and I will give you rest."

Don Quixote: Ballet

yesterday, i watched Don Quixote by the Ballet Philippines with rei and our father.

in terms of dance, the ballet dancers were very good in their form and execution.

a little mistakes but that is understandable.

though i felt that the flow of the story and the plot seemed lacking.

Don Quixote de la Mancha, a novel by Miguel de Cervantes.

seemed to be better portrayed in a play than in a ballet.

this was approved by fuji-senpai and my father.

to further explain to me that the play is better than the ballet,

my father showed me a movie based from a stageplay of the said piece.

after watching, i now look forward to watching the a stageplay of Don Quixote.

hopefully it would be up to my expectations.

(~_~)
----------
along with the souvenir program,

we also bought Fanta because the venue was at the Cultural Center of the Philippines,

one of the two places where i can buy Fanta.

(o^_^o)

sabaw trio

400th post! V(^_^)V
----------
the sabaw* trio met each other once more!

that trio is me, kin-chan and fuji-senpai.

(~_~)

we were at McDonalds and we had our usual dose of bullying kin-chan,

laughing and catching up what we have been up to recently.

fuji-senpai gave us Gatchpons (is that correct) with Goseigers inside.

mine was Gosei Red!!

arigatou fuji-senpai!

(^_^)
----------
*the term sabaw is a bit difficult to describe.

but it does involve attempting to say a something logical about a certain topic but ending up saying incoherent phrases pertaining to the said subject.

it also involves laughing a lot and seemingly carefree.

it can be likened to the phrase,

"i'm on crack!"

fuji-senpai's birthday celebration + sakura taisen manga

last january 27 was the 22nd birthday of fuji-senpai,

though we (kin-chan, fuji-senpai and kae) celebrated it yesterday.

we had one crack-filled afternoon/evening.

(~_~)

we were bullying each other and laughing so much...

i can't even remember why we were laughing so much.

(o^_^o)

but i do remember finally liking the song "toxic" by britney spears

because i saw a fanmade video of Masataka Nakagauchi as Niou Masaharu

and Baba Toru as Yagyuu Hiroshi with that song Toxic.

it was very well made and very very very amusing.

kin-chan found the video.

(~_~)

the food prepared by fuji-senpai uncle was quite delicious.

(~_~)

even when i was already full, i still kept on getting more servings.

(^_^)

and lastly, thanks to kae,

i was able to read a manga of sakura taisen.

(~_~)

so my saturday was just pure crack and fun.

(~_~)

with a few secrets on the side though.

(~_^)

tired

just arrived from fuji-senpai's house.

it was her birthday celebration today.

will blog tomorrow.

i'm tired.

(U_U)

yukata trio

i nice way spend the first day of the year,

1/1/11

wear a yukata with fuji-senpai and kin-chan,

eat dinner where there are different kinds of cheese served at the table

and watch tenimyu! (^_^)

around the same time last year, we were together partying. (^_^)

we love each other so much. (^_^)

happy happy times! (^_^)
------
one of the reasons fuji-senpai came today was actually Fanta. (○^_^○)

we gave her two cans so she can also brag it to a friend or two of hers. (^_^)

painful

yesterday,

it started out as a happy, singing, guitar playing, dancing, gift giving christmas party for the seigaku.

but it all ended in tears.

it is just too painful for me to talk about it.

for my fuji-senpai, i am very sorry for everything that happened.

i know it hurts especially that fact that this might (but i hope not) be your last christmas here in the philippines and this happens.

your concern for them, your preparations, i fully understand.

they made their mistakes and i knew very well, being with them almost everyday for four years, that they have a tendency to be like that.

they are very much easily persuaded by anybody and they really change their plans on the very last minute.

i am not defending them, it's just that i had been used to it.

i know that you are the type who likes things organized and planned,

you had a sense of discipline in you,

which is why i understood your disappointment about the accommodations and preparations last night since they said that only a few of them will stay but at the very last minute,

more of them were planning to stay.

it's hard to say this, but rei is right, our "seigaku" is not a "seigaku", i doubt that it even was "seigaku" from the very beginning.

to the rest of seigaku, it is very hard for me to be unbiased about it because i am very close with fuji-senpai.

i'm very sorry.

i know your point that we are already old enough to take care of ourselves.

we are responsible for our own decisions.

you guys want to be together during the overnight thing, i understand that.

our host really wanted you all to stay but there are really limitations.

i know that i already sound biased, but please understand that you already told fuji-senpai that you will be staying overnight.

i myself was surprised when i found out that there were more people who will be staying over without the consent of our host.

i understand your concern that they live quite far and it was already very late at night.

i know that you were merely taking your chances and we know that you are responsible enough not to venture into "such acts" while at the house of other people.

but the dilemma there was there was no consent of our host.

please understand, even in my point of view, it looked as though the respect was lost and there was a lack in staying with decisions made.

there were mistakes.

the guests not asking the permission of the host before hand

and the painful words of our host, fuji-senpai.

it was just too much for all of us.