10 Year Gap Letter (after 10 years)

Almost 11 years ago, I posted a letter to myself in this blog.

Honestly, I know that I posted it but didn't realize it has been (more than) 10 years since I posted it. It was only by chance that I decided to backtrack the post. Realizing it has been 10 years, I would like to take this opportunity to "reply" to my letter and post another one for my 33/34 year old self - hopefully I am still using this blog site 10 years from now.

Of course, the song that inspired these entries.

  

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To the me, ten years ago...

Dear Bea (22/23),

I don't know how to say this - We are content with what we have right now. But the happiness that we have been yearning for, we are not there yet my dear.

We haven't found our Oishi or Zukki, but we are married and we have a beautiful and amazing daughter.

We are have our small accomplishments, yet, we continue to "reach for a dream."

We haven't travelled to Japan nor Europe, but we will be moving to a different country with our family.

We will be meeting more people along the way, but our high school friends, will still be there to listen to us - specially Angeli and Lian.

Do you remember Edelyn? We will rekindle the friendship we have and she will play a major role in our future relationship. She will be our confidant and support. I warn you though, she will challenge us and make us question decisions in life, but this is for us to realize what you really want to happen in our life.

Remember our frustration in helping people in healthcare? We will have that opportunity but it's not how we thought it would be. This is definitely one of the highlights when we hit our 30s.

We will enter an intimate relationship and this will test us. There will be ups and downs like any relationship, and we will eventually make a family with him. But here me out, married life is not what we think it is.

The next few years will be a roller coaster for us and there are major life events that will change our perception of adulthood and life. The world will change due to a pandemic and we will make life decisions that will greatly affect our future. In jest, our life will revolve around our family, specifically our daughter.

The future is far from what we thought it would be.

We keep on going back to basics because we keep on getting lost. But don't fret, we always bounce back. We learn to appreciate smaller things and we are more humbled by events around us. We continue to believe in our abilities and skills, but we also learn how to celebrate in silence.

I don't want to dishearten you. The next years are still learning experiences for us. Stay strong, I can assure you, it will pass. You will see it through, hang in there, CHANGES are inevitable - just give yourself time to digest it all.

Stay true to yourself and before I forget, MUSIC will always be your salvation. You will hear more artists and they will also be your inspirations. LOVE YOURSELF my dear Beatriz.

That is all for now.

-Beatriz (33)

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To the me, ten years from now...

My dear Beatriz (43/44),

I learned that happiness has different levels, are we happy and content? Or are we finally happy like what we have been yearning for?

Are we still crying for the same reasons? Or are we crying tears of joy?

How far have we travelled? How many destinations have we visited? I hope we have reached the balance of home and travel we have been looking forward too?

How is Bergette? I hope we have prepared and guided her well for her future.

Are we able to protect those we value? Are we stronger and more cable?

I continue to quote some of the questions from the song:

" Are you happy right now? 

 Or in loneliness

Are you crying?... 

Who do you like now?

Or maybe it hasn't changed

You still like that person?..."

Are CHANGES still difficult for us?

Are we still ourselves?

I hope when I look back on this post, I can say "Finally!"

Till we meet again.

Beatriz (33/34)

Pinoy Pop

I want to share songs from Filipino artists that I appreciate at the moment. Most of the songs that I share are from Japanese artists, but I want to clarify that I enjoy songs from Filipino artists. Most singers that I appreciate are either veteran artists or underrated artists.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional in the music industry. Everything in this post is according to my taste in music and my preference.

Right now, SB19 is mainstream. But back then, they were underrated. Until now, they receive a lot of bashing from fellow Filipinos. Their musicality is exceptional, and their movements are well choreographed. I believe these boys have appeal in terms of talent, not just the physical attributes, which we usually see in our local boy groups. Here is one of their recent music video.

Next is Maymay Entrata. She started as a winner in a local tv contest. I admit that I did not expect much from her as a singer. The local entertainment industry forces some winners of their programs to the mainstream even if they lack the training for it. But the case of Maymay seemed different. She has talent and, in addition to that, she makes time to train and practice her art. I was surprised to see her in this music video. I think she has potential with her vocals and, maybe, in the long run, she can be a total performer.

Lastly, Alamat is a new and upcoming boy group. I think the group has potential. Their artistry is a little different from the usual boy groups made here in the Philippines. The concept of the boys singing in their local dialect is a good idea. Hopefully, they can retain that. Their songs and covers have a distinct sound in them, not just because of the different dialects used, but the beat and tempo are unique. It may be too early to praise them, but hopefully, their craft would evolve in the long run. Below is one of the songs that they covered that I like.

There are other Filipino artists that I would like to share here, but I'll limit it to three for now. I will share more in the future.

Chase Holfelder

This is an interesting Youtube Channel. I specifically have a great interest in his videos where he transposes popular songs from a Major Scale to a Minor Scale.

He gives a certain spice to popular songs that we are used to listening to.

Personally, this was refreshing to hear.

Highly recommended!

ABS CBN Christmas Station ID 2020

Every year, my family and I look forward to the Christmas Station ID of ABS CBN. The video never fails to tug our heartstrings and make us cry. This year was no exception.

The well-known television company is currently having problems with its franchise renewal. Despite the struggle with limited sources, they tried their best to deliver this station id for this holiday season.

Song: Ikaw Ang Liwanag At Ligaya

I know this sounds cliche, but really, watching this, I felt a little warmth, and saw a little shine of hope despite this chaotic year.

Updates (November 2020)

The month of November was really about the storms that hit us and how we all struggled to just survive the whole ordeal. Personally, we were not directly affected. But the effect on us was felt differently. There was a shortage in some food supplies, and communication was limited.

People went out of their way to help those who were devastated by the storm. This could be the silver lining after the storm. I did my own part, but it was minimal in effect, though my intention to help was there.

The month flew by very fast. Not sure if it was all the gloominess after the storm or it was just that time of the year (shorter days and longer nights).

My up moments for November is mostly about my daughter. I found some ways on how she would be interested in her school exercises. This is also with the help and the patience of her school, which I am very thankful for. We are still far from the required learning for her, but at least we are getting somewhere, and I am just content with that. My daughter seems to be discovering her own interests, and I would like to give her a chance to explore that.

Music and fangirling also helped me through the month, music from Generations from Exile Tribe to be specific. They launched a new album this month, and I simply followed through with their scheduled activities - music videos, dance videos, lives, etc. Now that I think about it, this is the first time I actually followed through with a group's schedule. Maybe that's why it felt interesting to me. 😉😉😉

I've been taking pictures and posting them recently on my Instagram. I mentioned it before, I use my mobile phone in taking photos despite the lack of specs for a high-resolution photograph, guess that is the challenge of it! Please check my Instagram for the pictures.

Lastly, on the last weekend of November, I started my class on Caregiving Course. I will make an entry about this in the future, because well, it deserves its own post.

That is all for now. Toodles~

GENE TRIBUTE: How I became a GENE fan

I have been out-dated in any fandom since late 2012. This year, my sister was able to persuade me to join the LDH fandom. Let me tell you my LDH story, to be more specific, my GENERATIONS story on how I became a fan.

Everyone will agree that this year has been a bummer. It has been one of the reasons why I decided to come back to writing a blog last April. My world just seemed to crumble every single day.

Now, during this time, my sister has been playing songs from LDH artists, Jr. Exile, to be specific. She has been suggesting that I listen to songs from a group named Generations from Exile Tribe. It was around May that I heard their song "One in a Million." I found it entertaining and cute. A few days after they released their song "You & I." Later on, I found out the message of GENE when they released the song "You & I." How befitting during the time that I was struggling and trying to ground myself amid the pandemic.

That is when I started to be a fan of Generations/ GENE. I listened to their other songs and watched some videos on when they started. Their struggles in the past and current success is definitely a great inspiration. Especially the fact that they continue to pursue other aspects of their career like acting, modeling, collaborations, and business ventures. They seem to continue to grow and discover other talents beyond their current music career.

I am sure that a number of their fans have a more engaging narration of how they became fans of GENE. In addition to that, GENE has motivated them to pursue their own aspirations.

In my case, the music of GENE saved me. This sounds like an exaggeration, but I have been struggling with symptoms of depression for years now. Waking up every morning and feeling like the earth is just going to swallow me alive is not even close to how to describe it. Every day, my anxiety gets so bad that I space out. I have always been the kind that listens to music to lighten up my mood or when I am struggling. So listening to GENE every day now feels like a step closer to just feeling better, and I can focus and feel grounded in doing simple everyday tasks.

My story is not as grand as others, but their music helps me in the most basic and calming way.

I may never get an opportunity to talk to them in person, but given a chance, I would tell them this:

"Thank you for the music that you share with us, your fans. You guys have been a great inspiration to most of us, and we hope for the best in your career. Congratulations on your 8th Anniversary, and we will continue to support all of you in your own endeavors. We are grateful for your effort to reach out to your fans in this time of uncertainly. Personally, I am one of the new fans who heard and was moved by your music. In the future, I hope we can give each other a high touch!

Congratulations! and Thank you."

my Beloved Mom

Praying everyday and believing our faith is strong. Encourage others to join, to have a stronger faith in Him. They look up to us and pride creeps in the veins. Eventually humility is shaken aside.

One song, changes it all.

Realization.

I fall at his throne, throwing myself down. Weeping at the foot of His cross and desperately asking for forgiveness. Beating my breast, attacking and blaming myself. Senses betray me and I shiver in fear, loneliness and sorrow.

Warmth envelops my shaking body.

A calming voice. A lullaby.

"Peace! My dear, take rest. Hold not any grudge or trouble against yourself, for my heart weeps with yours. Behold! Your brother smiles down on you for you have returned."

I look up and witness the Virgin Mother, full of grace, compassion and love.

Surrendering in her embrace I weep and yearn to feel her tight embrace.

"My child, your pains are my pains. No matter how sinful and how far you have drifted away. I will always be here to welcome you with open arms and a warm embrace. For you are my child and I love you."

A feeling of serenity in her soothing voice and I lose myself in consciousness.

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This is the story of your servant. It is never over and it is a continuing journey. Every servant of yours goes through a journey of a lifetime that will forever change their lives.Struggles are inevitable and prayers will always be out weapon against oppression. Our "crosses" are not meant to punish us. They are there to serve as our bridges, to help us be closer to Jesus, our brother. Every battle is an experience to find ourselves towards our path, our journey that will bring us to the loving embrace of God the Father and Jesus, His Beloved Son. And in this journey, there is always the loving Mother who intercedes, guides, pleads and prays for us.

I am a sinner, I am no exception even if I am a part of the community. I fall and lose hope. Though that is not a reason to give up and forget my faith. Because of who I am, these gives me more reasons to return to the Mother's loving embrace.

To see the face of God is our hearts desire. We long for Him, to be in His kingdom.

To see the face of the Virgin Mary is a grace. She is the one who reaches out to us. Who runs to our aid in times of need. She cares too much for us that she even pleads in our behalf just for us to feel at peace. She is meek and endures the pain of her children. She is hope and peace.

She is our loving mother, Mama Mary.

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Inspired by the talks from ICON 2014: Journey Beyond and the music Song of the Beloved by Tito Arnel Santos

I don't wanna miss a thing - Thelma Aoyama

ooohhh the feeeeeellllllssss~

CLP 2013 Batch 2 Chronicles: solace

find solace in the people whom you trust and love the most.

find solace in the most unexpected places, people and things.

i have been having personal struggles and i did not know how to address them,

so kept my silence.

i would cry it out, feel better, and then later, it would return.

then, a friend from SFC had a request.

there was nothing new about the request.

i was used to these kind of requests.

the most interesting thing about the request is the timing.

before, i used to believe in coincidence.

but since i started to be part of SFC,

this belief changed.

i now believe that things happen for a reason.

yes, it is painful and hard to accept, but it happens for a reason.

it's difficult to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel, still, it happens for a reason.

anyways, so the timing of the request of my friend was impeccable.

he asked for a dance routine for a song.

i was familiar with the song, so i thought it wasn't a biggie.

then it hit me.

as i was listening to the song, i felt that jolt in my heart.

ideas, visions and animated images filled my head.

i felt goosebumps that i haven't felt for a long time.

this was it!

i knew this was a message from God and his messenger was my friend.

He knew the perfect timing.

He knew how to awaken my senses.

"Here I am helplessly crying in your presence but you never questioned why. with open arms You welcomed me. I find solace in Your embrace."

My Lord, thank you for the people whom you have sent to send you message of concern and love for me.

I thank you for the gift of music, gift of movement and most of all the gift of talent.

I am not the best dancer in the world, but when I dance in your honor, I know that I am blessed with your graces.

Thank you for the people who reminded me of your love.

Thank you for the people who caught me when I was falling.

Thank you for the people who gave time and concern for your lost servant.

Thank you Lord for your grace and love.

Amen.

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special mention: thank you Harris Alas. :)

videos

we all have that moment, hen the videos give you goosebumps and you just want to share it (^_~)

so many videos have given me that feeling and i cant even remember why i watched and listened to these videos.

anyways, i just wanted to share it to you guys~ chiao~

Serena - GLOC-9 feat.Ebe Dancel



Time after time - moumoon



Don't Cry For Me Argentina - Nicole Scherzinger





Sa Isang Sulyap - Juan dela Cruz OST



Phantom of the Opera 25th Anniversary



there are a lot more videos i would like to share. unfortunately, there are the only the ones i remember. (^_^)

just give me a reason

we are the reason

i first heard this song when i as part of the rerun of the play Selpie.

i give my all

where do I begin (love story)

fuji-senpai, do you remember when you played this on the piano and I would also dance?

Indigo 4

this was last 2010 but i only heard/saw it recently.

posting because the Takagi twins are here and because Kousei Amano is also here. (^_^)

Lord I Lift your name on high

"masarap talaga kantahin yan..." - Harris Alas, SFC West B2B

Love Someday Again～また会う日まで～

aaawww~ this actually hits home...

gabay

Gabay by Siakol

been in my head a lot! (^_^)

10 years gap letter

this entry was inspired by an entry by my friend, Mimi. also, influenced by the song title [letter song] enjoy!


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to the me, ten years ago...

hi Bea (12),

this is rather awkward and you might not believe it,  or maybe you will. this letter is from you ten years in the future. i do not mean to change your future, i merely want to tell you that life will definitely be a roller coaster for you in the coming ten years.

i'm sure you would like to know the details of the coming ten years, i'm sorry to disappoint you but i wont be giving specific details. all i can give you are advise.

cherish your friendship with your high school friends. believe me, when you look back from here i am now, they are the ones who will open your mind to a lot of views in this world. we are still friends until now, i believe that already says a lot. (^_^)

high school is the most dramatic part of your life. i believe you are still in first year high school right? you still have three more years to go and it will experience a lot of struggles and happy moments in high school. a warning though, this is one of the "darkest" part of your life. emphasis on struggle. if i was asked  if i wanted to change my life in high school, i would have mixed emotions. though it as gloomy, there were people i met in the later future that really meant a lot to me. just be strong, when you feel that there is no hope? look back on this letter. you will ask more questions and will still be impatient, but i tell you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

college will just be a breeze as compared to high school. though there will be complications, so another warning there. i would like to take this opportunity to ask you a favor. you will meet a person who you will cherish a lot. here name is Tessa. she will make you laugh, she will make you cry, she will hug you, she will understand you, she will be your strength and your weakness. please, treasure her because you will be going through a lot together. if i had one regret, it was that i did not cherish her enough. this is why i am taking this opportunity to remind you to cherish her. she can be selfish at some point but believe me, she is the person ho understands you the most. the complication i mentioned earlier? she will be your adviser and you will be supporting her in a lot of ways too. also, you two are a "good combination" that will mean a lot by the time you graduate college. (^_~)

there will be a time that you will not know what you would want to do with your life. my advise? go with the flow. there are struggles but hey, i'm content with where i am right now. (^_^)

people and friends will be a big part of your journey in life. you ill have a small group of friends but they will be the ones who you can really rely on. changes are inevitable to just go with the flow. it can be frustrating at times but just going with the flow will work. (^_^)

imagination, emotions, feelings and dance are both your strength and your weakness. there are times you will use them well and there will be times that they can ruin you.

don't be to hard on yourself. everything will fall into place. learn to love yourself more and appreciate the small details in life. smile, it brings out a lot out of you and it attracts the good people around you. (^_^)

i believe, that's all i can remember to say for now. i'm sure you have a lot of questions, unfortunately i can't answer them directly.

have faith and believe in God.

oh, before i forget. if you feel blocked in any task, my advice is to go back to basics. (^_^)

enjoy! chiao~

-beatriz carino (22)

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to the me, ten years after...

hi beatriz (32),

how are you? i wonder if you were able to meet your "oishi" or be friends with zukki? or even more? (^_~)

i have so many questions for you! were you able to reach your dream? were you able to go to japan? europe?

i'll quote some of the translated of the lyrics from the song [letter song] of some of the questions in my head right now.

" Are you happy right now? 

 Or in loneliness

Are you crying?... 

Who do you like now?

Or maybe it hasn't changed

You still like that person?..."

sorry for being sappy but it's true. i really wonder what what you are doing now and are you contented with life? people have been a great part of your life. how are you and your friends? or have you gone your separate ways?

so many questions! sorry about that. i really hope you are happy in where you are now. i love you. (^_^)

-beatriz (22)

only one

only one by boa (dance version)

i hope i would be able to learn this routine and execute it as good as her. (^_^)