Half the year has passed... an update

Half of the year has passed and it has been an eventful one. At the start of this year, I was wondering what this year will bring me. Now, I would like to give a short summary.

January - I got my certificate for Caregiving Course.

February - Idle month.

March - Philippine Red Cross First Aid and Basic Life Support Training. It was also my first time donating blood.

April - I had an appendectomy a week before my birthday.

May - The busy month!!! I started volunteering under Philippine Red Cross. One of my first duty was during the National Elections. I volunteered for Sunday Mass duty and Free Medical Check-up duty for the succeeding weeks.

June - The most eventful month!!!

        - I was able to find work as a Caregiver. Though I got the connection through our local Red Cross Chapter, the reason I got work was that I am a Maryknoller and I have trained as a Caregiver.

        - My daughter also started her "schooling" this month. This has been a great concern for me since 2020. But now that she has started, I am more relieved and confident about my daughter's future.

        - My daughter and my niece celebrated their birthday this month. As expected, preparations had to be done. During my daughter's birthday, we invited the sons of a family friend. This is the first time that we had guests for my daughter's birthday since she celebrated her birthday here in the metro. The girls call them brothers.

        - It was also my first time having a Sunday Mass duty at St. Joseph Parish Church for Philippine Red Cross, and during my duty, it was my first time responding to a minor incident on my own.

July - At the moment, this month has an uneasy feeling. There are impending changes at work that are creating a rift between me and some people I am working with. The changes at the end of the month will most likely affect my work schedule, my volunteer schedule, and of course my management of my daughter's schedule and schooling.

In the past, this feeling of uncertainty would bring me anxiety, but this time around, I feel calmer and more accepting of possible changes in the future. My assumption is that I have gained back some of my self-confidence in the past few months.

Note to self: "You are moving forward and getting somewhere Bea. One step at a time. I have all these dreams I would like to fulfill, one day I will MAKE IT REAL*"

*Make It Real by Generations from Exile Tribe

Sunday felt different, like a dream

Events from last Sunday felt surreal for me.

We had our long-delayed face-to-face schedule for the Caregiver Course we enrolled in. It was a wet and cold morning. We had to go to the training center early because we had to be tested for COVID-19 before entering the classroom. It was our first time to personally meet our classmates. We felt awkward meeting everyone for the first time, so no one was chatting nor talking with anybody.

Inside our assigned classroom, there were only seven of us while the other students were in another room. The trainer took attendance and, I was the last one to be called. When I said my name, my seatmate immediately turned to look at me with enthusiasm. I can sense her smile under the facemask. She waved at me, and I waved back. I didn't think much about it.

We then moved to another room to start the training and demo. During our online classes from a few months back, I noticed that one of our trainers looked like a family friend. This trainer was our first teacher for the face-to-face. Since it was our first time meeting everyone, we were all quiet and tense. The trainer sensed it, and he assured as to ease up and enjoy learning. Eventually, we were already laughing the chatting with our classmates. We later had to find a partner to practice the skills that were taught to us. The seatmate I mentioned earlier and I have been side by side the whole time, so we decided to be partners. After a while, the trainer gave us tips and suggestions based on his experience. I really felt he was our family friend who was giving us the lesson, so there was a sense of trust and security - rare during the pandemic.

As I mentioned earlier, we partnered off to practice the new skills we learned. My partner's name is Iala, and she became my first friend in the group. For the duration of the face-to-face class, we were together. When the class ended, we decided to go home together via train.

As we walked towards the train station, Iala told me that she was actually looking forward to meeting me. This was a surprise for me. I asked her why. Her interest in meeting me started when I mentioned I was a Psychology graduate. She said that she was thinking of getting units in Psychology because she liked the principles and theories in the field. She continued her narrative and told me that she was praying that we would be in the same group for the face-to-face class. She admitted to looking for my name first on the list before her name, and she was ecstatic to find out we were groupmates. This explains why she looked enthusiastic when she found out that I was her seatmate. She mentioned how I sounded interesting during our online class and how nice and approachable I was in person.

This caught me off-guard in a big way. First of all, I have never met anyone who was genuinely looking forward to meeting me. I guess it was always me who was looking forward to meeting someone. Second, most of the people I know described me as intimidating when they first met me. As for Iala, she said I was "nice and approachable," this was only the first time we met. Third, I felt that she was genuinely listening to everything I was saying. This was because I was helping her with the skills training, but overall, she seems to be attentive in everything I say and do.

I do not want to be full of myself, but this is what it will sound like right now. For the past few years, I have never been treated this way. Iala did not question nor doubt anything I said. I was used to always "prioritizing" other people, like gesturing them to go ahead or letting them choose a seat before me. I even do this with my sister. But with Iala, it was different. She was the one who always gestured for me to go forward, to let me find my seat first, and to let me decide on small details - it may sound minuscule. But for some reason, I felt different around her. I seemed someone that was attended to. I know it sounds ridiculous, but honestly speaking, this was what I felt.

The train finally arrived at my station, and I had to say my farewell. Even after we departed, I still felt in a daze. As I walked home, I continued to ponder what had just happened on our way home. Our walk from the training center to the train station was about 15 to 30 minutes. But in that short time, I felt I was floating, entranced, and fleeting.

Days have passed, and yet here I am, immersed in the experience.

I would definitely like to share more about this in the future. But I would not know if there will be another chance - or will the next time be more personal that I won't share it in full detail but mention it in passing?

Only time can tell.

I am not sure if it is the pandemic. But this specific interaction felt strange and yet has a tinge of warmth.

Rei can be witty... but sometimes...

I know my sister Rei is witty, but sometimes, I think she just lacks oxygen.

Let me share with you instances that my sister graced us with her witty brain. Or sometimes her oxygen-deprived brain.

When her daughter asked her, "what is yoga?" My sister's reply was, "extreme stretching." She ain't wrong, but she wasn't right either.

She asks her kids, "who wants ice cream?" Of course, the kids would all say, "Yes!" There was this one time the kids said "no." Then I heard my sister tell herself, "Well, I guess I won't eat ice cream." Apparently, she asks the kids if they want ice cream so she can have an excuse to eat ice cream too. Got to admit this was clever.

Last Christmas season, I was concerned about how to hide the gifts we bought for the kids. My sister said to hide it in plain sight. This confused me, but then she showed the paper bags on top of a high cabinet. The kids saw the paper bags every day and did not show interest until Christmas Eve. It was when we started to put the paper bags underneath the Christmas tree. It was genius, I tell you!

These are just a few of my sister's witty actions.

And then there are times that my sister lacks oxygen in the brain to even think straight.

My sister works night-shift. She usually wakes up at 11:30 am or generally around lunchtime. When I am busy preparing food, I ask her to set the table when she comes down for lunch. And she always forgets to put the glasses for the water. She only realizes this when we are all seated at the table, hungry and about to devour lunch. And her excuse is always the same, "brain lacking oxygen."

Another instance was when we went for a site visit for a potential house location. The agent kept on telling us that the details regarding the house will be discussed at their office. She then asked my sister, "Ma'am are you going to the office? My sister's response was, "No, I don't have work today." I looked at Rei and laughed. Then I retorted, "Lacking oxygen in the brain again? She is asking if we are going to their office to discuss the terms and conditions." We could not help but continue to laugh together.

There are more moments I would like to share, but I'll limit it to two for now. It has become an inside joke between my sister and me whenever these happen. I understand that her circadian rhythm is messed up, and this sort of messes with her judgment and decision-making.

It's just funny how she can be one of the wittiest people I know and the same time, one of the always spaced-out people I know.

Rei, this is for you b***h!

New Year's Eve

 Last year, we introduced the kids to sparklers. This year, I had a little difficulty looking for the sparklers in the market. I then resolved to look for it online. Luckily I found a supplier, and I immediately bought two sets for the kids. They had fun with the sparklers, and we even took long exposure pictures, which is a first for my sister and me.

I took the New Year's Eve feast as an opportunity to prepare something new again. It was my first time preparing apple pie. And I am proud to say that it was a success. Also, I was thinking of preparing noodles for the new year, instead of the usual spaghetti. I was thinking something like the "Noodle Feast" of Lam Tin. As I was buying ingredients in the supermarket, I found a pack of ready to mix Asian pasta sauce. And this made it easier for me to materialize my plan, in addition to this, I bought dried seaweed and more vegetables.

Our ham was homemade too. (-_~) recipe from my dad, but it was my first time to do it also. So many firsts during the New Year's Eve preparation for me.

And to welcome the new year with a loud bang! We played "Red Phoenix" by EXILE.

Credits to owner

Not sure what 2021 holds for my family and me. I'll just have to do things one step at a time.

GENE TRIBUTE: How I became a GENE fan

I have been out-dated in any fandom since late 2012. This year, my sister was able to persuade me to join the LDH fandom. Let me tell you my LDH story, to be more specific, my GENERATIONS story on how I became a fan.

Everyone will agree that this year has been a bummer. It has been one of the reasons why I decided to come back to writing a blog last April. My world just seemed to crumble every single day.

Now, during this time, my sister has been playing songs from LDH artists, Jr. Exile, to be specific. She has been suggesting that I listen to songs from a group named Generations from Exile Tribe. It was around May that I heard their song "One in a Million." I found it entertaining and cute. A few days after they released their song "You & I." Later on, I found out the message of GENE when they released the song "You & I." How befitting during the time that I was struggling and trying to ground myself amid the pandemic.

That is when I started to be a fan of Generations/ GENE. I listened to their other songs and watched some videos on when they started. Their struggles in the past and current success is definitely a great inspiration. Especially the fact that they continue to pursue other aspects of their career like acting, modeling, collaborations, and business ventures. They seem to continue to grow and discover other talents beyond their current music career.

I am sure that a number of their fans have a more engaging narration of how they became fans of GENE. In addition to that, GENE has motivated them to pursue their own aspirations.

In my case, the music of GENE saved me. This sounds like an exaggeration, but I have been struggling with symptoms of depression for years now. Waking up every morning and feeling like the earth is just going to swallow me alive is not even close to how to describe it. Every day, my anxiety gets so bad that I space out. I have always been the kind that listens to music to lighten up my mood or when I am struggling. So listening to GENE every day now feels like a step closer to just feeling better, and I can focus and feel grounded in doing simple everyday tasks.

My story is not as grand as others, but their music helps me in the most basic and calming way.

I may never get an opportunity to talk to them in person, but given a chance, I would tell them this:

"Thank you for the music that you share with us, your fans. You guys have been a great inspiration to most of us, and we hope for the best in your career. Congratulations on your 8th Anniversary, and we will continue to support all of you in your own endeavors. We are grateful for your effort to reach out to your fans in this time of uncertainly. Personally, I am one of the new fans who heard and was moved by your music. In the future, I hope we can give each other a high touch!

Congratulations! and Thank you."

Online classes struggle

 The struggle of online classes is real.

My daughter likes moving around since she practically grew up in the province where in she was allowed to run around, climb anywhere (with guidance of course), and exhaust herself to her limit.

She learns through play. And since the online classes are limited to video conferencing and given worksheets, my daughter is not interested. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter likes the idea of school, she just does not like the idea of school being at home.

She likes doodling, coloring and painting, but not tracing or writing (letters and numbers).

She knows her colors, but refuses to do worksheets, she likes using them on arts and crafts.

She knows her numbers, but on paper, she likes it when she plays hide and seek.

She likes building stuff from different toys and making stories with these toys, but is scared and shy of video calls.

She is caring, tender and helpful, but bashful and sensitive. I am fine with that.

My daughter’s sleeping habits have changed since the pandemic. At the end of the day, she still has so much stored energy that it takes time to tire her out, thus she sleeps later that her usual bedtime schedule.

The struggle of online class is added to my pile of worries and anxiety, but what can I do, this is the new normal.

I try my best to teach her, and I know she can do these things. I guess the home environment is really getting to her. I can’t blame her for that. Maybe play is her only way of compensating for not being able to go out for five months now.

This is totally different from the open area that she was used to when she was in the province. Even when we moved here in the city, we still found time to go out and walk around, explore our surroundings. Now with this new normal, she is practically a prisoner in her own house.

I am currently contemplating on asking help from my previous professors in my former school/work place who specialize in child education, because really, my daughter deserves more than I can offer her right now.

Ps. I just thought of something as I was ending this post. Asking for help from professionals for your kids’ education should be normalize and not looked down by others. There is a notion that if you ask help from professionals, that child is incapable of learning (or in Filipino culture “bobo”). When in truth, the form of learning may simply be different from how the child processes information, and that is okay.

Different learning styles, specially in early childhood education, should be normalized and understood by everyone.

Pizza Business Experience

I mentioned in my previous post that I started a small pizza business last month. Right now it is starting very slow and difficult as I have not fully thought of how to properly advertise it and make it more exciting to the market. Add to that, we were recently subject to Modified Enhanced Community Quarantine once more. So limited movement and tighter money handling for most people again.

This is not my first experience in selling pizza though. When I was still living in the province I started a pizza business with my father. I was always frustrated because I was so desperate for money, well I still am desperate, but in the province I felt more pressured and stressed about it. I was impatient and in a hurry to always get people to notice our pizza business. Handling requests of customers distressed me cause it would sometimes deviate from the usual or set ingredients of the menu. I was even more made when the customers were impatient and nagging about their orders.

Chat’s Pizza in Manila

These experiences from the province helped me better under the business now and help me manage customer requests, time management and customer expectations. I have also learned ow to accept critiques, both positive and negative from our customers.

Of course there is still that frustration of not earning enough and some mistakes here in there. But in general, things feel more manageable than before. My pizza is not yet that good as my dad’s pizza, and I admit that “I still have lots more to work on.”

I am still trying to improve it, I will get there, eventually. 😉😉😉