Online classes struggle

 The struggle of online classes is real.

My daughter likes moving around since she practically grew up in the province where in she was allowed to run around, climb anywhere (with guidance of course), and exhaust herself to her limit.

She learns through play. And since the online classes are limited to video conferencing and given worksheets, my daughter is not interested. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter likes the idea of school, she just does not like the idea of school being at home.

She likes doodling, coloring and painting, but not tracing or writing (letters and numbers).

She knows her colors, but refuses to do worksheets, she likes using them on arts and crafts.

She knows her numbers, but on paper, she likes it when she plays hide and seek.

She likes building stuff from different toys and making stories with these toys, but is scared and shy of video calls.

She is caring, tender and helpful, but bashful and sensitive. I am fine with that.

My daughter’s sleeping habits have changed since the pandemic. At the end of the day, she still has so much stored energy that it takes time to tire her out, thus she sleeps later that her usual bedtime schedule.

The struggle of online class is added to my pile of worries and anxiety, but what can I do, this is the new normal.

I try my best to teach her, and I know she can do these things. I guess the home environment is really getting to her. I can’t blame her for that. Maybe play is her only way of compensating for not being able to go out for five months now.

This is totally different from the open area that she was used to when she was in the province. Even when we moved here in the city, we still found time to go out and walk around, explore our surroundings. Now with this new normal, she is practically a prisoner in her own house.

I am currently contemplating on asking help from my previous professors in my former school/work place who specialize in child education, because really, my daughter deserves more than I can offer her right now.

Ps. I just thought of something as I was ending this post. Asking for help from professionals for your kids’ education should be normalize and not looked down by others. There is a notion that if you ask help from professionals, that child is incapable of learning (or in Filipino culture “bobo”). When in truth, the form of learning may simply be different from how the child processes information, and that is okay.

Different learning styles, specially in early childhood education, should be normalized and understood by everyone.

In Silence

My hands are trembling again.

It’s creeping up to me,

I hate it but I can feel it.

Will it happen again?

I thought I was handling it well.

Calm, controlled, almost nonchalant.

Silence.

My mind, my thoughts betray me.

Everything rushes to consciousness.

I am devoured.

By my own thoughts,

Feelings,

Emotions,

Scenarios,

Fear,

Loss.

I am drowning in my own thoughts.

I want to cry, to shout,

Curse, blame, hate.

But I can’t.

I

Have

To

Be

Strong.

Failed.

Getting nauseous.

Staggered  breathing.

Tears.

“Help...”

I whisper.

I beg God.

I pray.

“Please...”

“Save him.”

My thoughts on the Anti-Terrorism Bill

I tried my best to read up about the bill. I read summaries and I acquired an online copy of the bill itself.

Here is a link The Anti-Terrorism Act of 2020

Just to make it clear, I am not a law graduate nor a law student. This is how I understand and interpret what was written. If I do get anything wrong, or misinterpret anything, I am very much open to talk about it. What I write here are informal so you may see remarks that can be inappropriate or sometimes juvenile.

On my initial reading, I tried to see the bill from the standpoint of a defense officer who is tasked to defend the country, regardless of who is president. Just the notion that I have to defend the country (Generala Gabriela?).

I have to admit that on initial reading, the bill does try to “protect” the people. It attempts to prevent the act of terrorism, tries to make safeguards for the general public, shows what government agencies are involved, and it shows also show the “ideal” process on how everything will supposedly work.

Note that I used quotation marks and the words “attempt” and “try”.

Upon reading it again, this time, I took into account the country’s current status. Yes, the bill does sound like it is attacking the government critics. The definition of terrorism in this bill, despite the attempt to make it “specific”, has made it more broad to the point that anybody who has a say against the government can immediately be called a terrorist (See Section 4 of the bill).

• It is stated in this bill that a person or group is identified as a terrorist based on the list of international security agencies like the United Nations Security Counsel (see Section 3b), but it is also stated that the Anti-Terrorism Council may also designate who are terrorists “upon providing a probable cause.” (see Sec 25 par. 3) It would make sense that a council would have this kind of power in an ideal world, but in our current situation, any critic can be found probable cause just based on the definition on terrorism in this bill. And knowing about the great skills of our government, it’s not impossible that they will make-up a probable cause just to fixate on a critic or group. Admit it people, it has and is happening right now.

• In this bill, if a person in suspected of terrorist act, s/he may be followed, wiretapped without once knowledge, and detained for 14 days, and even be extended if the counsel or the person of authority deem that s/he is still a threat to the public. From a standpoint of someone in-charge of the security of the country (most probably a victim of PTSD, highly anxious, had his/her own time in the battlefield) this is reasonable. It is also stated in this bill that the person, even when detained still has rights to legal counsel, rights to a doctor, rights against torture and even visiting rights from the family.

It sounds good on paper no? The sponsors attempt to create safeguards and rules to uphold human rights. If only this a perfect, law-abiding and honest government, maybe this would work? The effort is there but the way our country is run right now, I doubt these rights will even be allowed to the suspected person.

Suspected person. Please let that sink in, the person has not gone into trial yet, only suspected and his/her privacy and freedom is compromised.

The bill did mention and even assigned specific tasks for the Commission of Human Rights (see Section 47), which is supposed to be another safeguard. Unfortunately, seeing how the government treats CHR, I doubt those in power will give heed to them.

• The Anti-Terrorism Council (ATC) which will be the governing body once the bill is passed (see Sec 45), is made up of the President’s Cabinet Officials. The agencies involved makes sense right? Except, these secretaries in position in the said agencies have been dubious, notorious, questionable and scandalous from the very start of this administration. Personally, the level of trust in this council is an all-time zero. I am trying my best to be civil here and avoid using derogatory terms. The cabinet members in question have been greatly criticized by the public and I believe the fear of most of those against the bill is that they use their position to “get-back” to their critics. I would say this is not an impossible scenario as some government officials have recently admitted that they subjectively decide on the laws and issues that are being tackled in the Congress. Oh wait, I slipped... Oh well... 😏😏😏 They said it publicly so I not making up this statement right?

• Lastly, is this really a priority bill in the middle of the pandemic? This is also one of the main concerns why everyone, including yours truly is against the bill. The senate, the congress, and even the president is pushing for the bill to be passed as soon as possible... In the middle of a pandemic? Now? When most of the citizens, specifically the ones in the metro are in need of help - medically, socially, physiologically, and psychologically - but the government seems to have decided to just pass the responsibility of “caring” for the citizens to the private sector. 😒😒😒 I am generalizing all the public service officials, for there are public officials who are going out of their way to help their constituents. I am referring to those in public office high up in the ranking system - congress, senate, cabinet members and even the president.

It’s quite clear in my statements and comments above that I am not satisfied with the movements and decisions of the current administration. Other would say that I am “Dilawan”, no, I also criticized the previous administrations and their constituents, but this current administration has really been disappointing and disheartening.

From what I understand, one of the main factors that this bill in being questioned is because of the people who are currently in power, who can use this bill to their advantage and abuse their power.

Everyone is feeling agitated and uneasy because of the pandemic, it does not help that the government is suddenly pushing for a bill that will magnify this fear. People are thinking about their health and how to support the needs of their family, and now, they also have to worry about their own security.

If people are pushed to the limits, I would not be surprised if there would be a civil unrest. Oh wait, maybe that is why the president is trying to push the bill forward? In case there is a civil unrest, the bill can be used to “defend” the public? 😱😱😱

Just a thought.

Now, here are other thoughts that came to mind:

• “If the bill was passed during a different administration (previous administrations or possible future administrations) would there still be the same amount of people who are against the bill?

• If there was no pandemic, would it really be a big deal if this bill was passed?

• If there was current high threat, would people accept the bill?”

• Like I mentioned earlier, on paper it looks tangible and justifiable. Yes there would still be critics, but will the people be as opposed to it like now?

I don’t think anybody will actually read this. I just wanted to write my thoughts about the bill, so in the future I can look back and check if there have been positive or negative changes since this whole fiasco has happened.

See ya~

A month

It has been a month since I got back to blogging. How has it been?

I have been better as compared to before I returned to blogging. As a whole, I would say the results have been positive. Other than blogging, below is a list of other activities that have helped me “get my self, back together”:

• Dancing - I love dancing and getting back to it has been a great stress reliever. I am not a trained dancer, I just really want that natural high from my natural DOSE (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins.)
• Story writing - To be more specific, fan fiction writing. It has kept me more focused and I find myself learning more because I research details to make the story more accurate. I now have interest in Kyudo or Japanese martial arts of archery, though not in-depth, I still find myself reading or watching videos about it.
• Washing the dishes on time - There was a time we would just pile up the dishes and only wash it an hour or two before the meal. Recently, I started to change this habit and make sure that I wash it after every meal. “You are supposed to wash the dishes after every meal” Yes I know we are lazy, that’s why I am trying to change that. Please don’t judge. If you have been following my entries recently, I have mentioned that doing household tasks, any menial tasks, have been a struggle. Mainly because of emotional troubles, but like what I said, everything is a work in progress. Washing the dishes on time has helped me specially in the morning because I am more at ease in preparing breakfast and I seem to have more time to just be myself - not stress over dirty dishes first thing in the morning.
• Shift in social media platform - I have decided to shift my focus from Facebook to other social media platforms. It was already becoming toxic for me so I decided to move to other platforms with lesser audience and more space to express myself.

The list may still go on, I might add to the list in the future, we’ll see.

Though a part of me thinks that these are just temporary, I just try to enjoy the best of it.

I still have those moments of anger, frustrations and anxiety, though it feels more manageable and less condescending as before. Maybe I am learning, maybe I am not. Let’s see what happens.

Life goes on. Seize the day.

time for love

"Make every heartbeat count." -Nutschell Anne Windsor

Time is ticking. Take every opportunity to LOVE MORE

the gift

each of us has a gift.

some are openly manifested,

some are used in a more intimate manner.

there are gifts that are for a big group,

and there are gifts for a smaller or a more personal approach.

time is also essential for the gift in us.

sometimes it is spontaneously used,

and other times, patience and timing is crucial.

the gift may be loud,

or it may be silent.

the gift may be the same with others,

while there are some gifts that are unique in every person.

what is important is we know when to appreciate the gift,

and always share it when we are called to give.

no one is born without a gift.

it is just a matter of knowing and acknowledging that one has a gift to give.

thoughts and questions (update 2)

apparently, there are so many questions in my head and i can't seem to properly sort them.

they are all jumbled in my head.

so i need someone who can keep up with me,

and at the same time,

will not judge me or make me feel belittled by my own thoughts.

you know who you are,

but i doubt you would be able to read this.

well, i know we'll have that moment one of these days?

chiao!

hope to see you around my friend. (^_^)
---------------------------------------------------
 update 1:

i had this chance to talk to my friend.

thankfully he was still up to it despite being tired and all.

thanks for being there my friend. :)

hopefully we can continue our talk later tonight or on wednesday. :)

chiao
 -------------------------------------------------
update 2:

that was a good chat last night.

i personally got a ton of learning and i hope you got your fair share of learning. :)

thank you for the advice and i hope, like what we have talked about yesterday,

we can help each other with our weaknesses.

like what you said last night,

"that's why we are partners."

chiao!