In Silence

My hands are trembling again.

It’s creeping up to me,

I hate it but I can feel it.

Will it happen again?

I thought I was handling it well.

Calm, controlled, almost nonchalant.

Silence.

My mind, my thoughts betray me.

Everything rushes to consciousness.

I am devoured.

By my own thoughts,

Feelings,

Emotions,

Scenarios,

Fear,

Loss.

I am drowning in my own thoughts.

I want to cry, to shout,

Curse, blame, hate.

But I can’t.

I

Have

To

Be

Strong.

Failed.

Getting nauseous.

Staggered  breathing.

Tears.

“Help...”

I whisper.

I beg God.

I pray.

“Please...”

“Save him.”