In Silence

My hands are trembling again.

It’s creeping up to me,

I hate it but I can feel it.

Will it happen again?

I thought I was handling it well.

Calm, controlled, almost nonchalant.

Silence.

My mind, my thoughts betray me.

Everything rushes to consciousness.

I am devoured.

By my own thoughts,

Feelings,

Emotions,

Scenarios,

Fear,

Loss.

I am drowning in my own thoughts.

I want to cry, to shout,

Curse, blame, hate.

But I can’t.

I

Have

To

Be

Strong.

Failed.

Getting nauseous.

Staggered  breathing.

Tears.

“Help...”

I whisper.

I beg God.

I pray.

“Please...”

“Save him.”

God Is Love

God Is Love (1 John 4: 7-10)

Beloved,
 let us love one another, for love is from God, and
whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because
God is love.

In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that
 God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.

In this is love,
not that we have loved God
but that he loved us and sent his Son to be
the propitiation for our sins.