Half the year has passed... an update

Half of the year has passed and it has been an eventful one. At the start of this year, I was wondering what this year will bring me. Now, I would like to give a short summary.

January - I got my certificate for Caregiving Course.

February - Idle month.

March - Philippine Red Cross First Aid and Basic Life Support Training. It was also my first time donating blood.

April - I had an appendectomy a week before my birthday.

May - The busy month!!! I started volunteering under Philippine Red Cross. One of my first duty was during the National Elections. I volunteered for Sunday Mass duty and Free Medical Check-up duty for the succeeding weeks.

June - The most eventful month!!!

        - I was able to find work as a Caregiver. Though I got the connection through our local Red Cross Chapter, the reason I got work was that I am a Maryknoller and I have trained as a Caregiver.

        - My daughter also started her "schooling" this month. This has been a great concern for me since 2020. But now that she has started, I am more relieved and confident about my daughter's future.

        - My daughter and my niece celebrated their birthday this month. As expected, preparations had to be done. During my daughter's birthday, we invited the sons of a family friend. This is the first time that we had guests for my daughter's birthday since she celebrated her birthday here in the metro. The girls call them brothers.

        - It was also my first time having a Sunday Mass duty at St. Joseph Parish Church for Philippine Red Cross, and during my duty, it was my first time responding to a minor incident on my own.

July - At the moment, this month has an uneasy feeling. There are impending changes at work that are creating a rift between me and some people I am working with. The changes at the end of the month will most likely affect my work schedule, my volunteer schedule, and of course my management of my daughter's schedule and schooling.

In the past, this feeling of uncertainty would bring me anxiety, but this time around, I feel calmer and more accepting of possible changes in the future. My assumption is that I have gained back some of my self-confidence in the past few months.

Note to self: "You are moving forward and getting somewhere Bea. One step at a time. I have all these dreams I would like to fulfill, one day I will MAKE IT REAL*"

*Make It Real by Generations from Exile Tribe

Dear Daughter and Roblox

My daughter has been playing Roblox with her cousins for some months now. They seem to be having fun on their own, but sometimes I worry about the games they play.

Out of curiosity, I tried to check if I play it on my laptop. The good news is I can download it. The bad news is my system is slow and lagging.

My daughter saw Roblox on my laptop, and she wanted me to play with her. I had to explain that my avatar moves very slow and I may not keep up with her. She saw what I meant, but her joy in knowing that I can now play with her in Roblox made her excited.

I noticed she talked to me more, and she likes the feeling of teaching something new to me. I can better understand what she wants based on the games that she shows me she plays.

What I appreciate most is the fact that my daughter understands that not everything will go her way. I may have problems with my connection, or I only have limited games to play with her. But she accepts it and does not make tantrums if I can't play the game with her. There is a sense of understanding from her that I am proud of as a mother. For applications I cannot play, she would show me how to play them with her tablet.

Despite our struggle in her schooling schedule, I know that my daughter is growing up well because she slowly understands the people in her social circle.

I hope I can teach her well, and she may be a good person to everyone she meets in the future.

She is growing up so fast.

Bills gives me anxiety

They call it adulting. I call it getting things done and being anxious the whole way.

Bills, bills, and a whole lot of bills. Here in the city, nothing seems to move unless you pay. The anxiety is exhausting me because of these bills.

Thinking about it, financially, I am not stable, and I am dependent on my husband. I could be financially independent if only I would move my ass. The problem with me is it's hard to motivate myself. I also fear that if I focus too much on being financially independent, I will neglect my daughter. As some people would say, not everyone can get the best of both worlds. One has to sacrifice one over the other. Unfortunately, most of the people around me do no think this way. They think I am just lazy, but in truth, I am just tired emotionally and mentally. Of course, nobody in my family believes me other than my sister.

Hopefully, I can be financially stable in the future when I start getting experience as a Caregiver. I am still anxious about it, but at the moment, I have to push forward to keep myself moving towards the future. I am hoping this would also open a better opportunity for my daughter in the future.