Life update and learnings

•  Patience is a virtue that I need to work on. This applies at home and at the school. Recent life changes and events have made me realize that I need to stretch my patience longer in the months ahead. Patience was once a trait I pride myself on. But as I grew older, I became more impatient, especially after giving birth. I find practicing patience at home more challenging than at school. Because at home, I am juggling between household chores and managing my family's "wants." - and these overwhelm me. While at school, I share my patience with other school staff interacting with the children. This in turn lightens the demand to be patient since it becomes a shared virtue among the staff.

• Planning ahead is a MUST. BUT SOME PEOPLE DO NOT BELIEVE THIS. Before having a family, I "go with the flow." Now that I have a family, I have made it a point to have a plan, a backup plan, and, if possible, a backup to the backup plan. And I make sure that nobody gets burdened by the plans. This has made my previous plans less anxious and roadblocks more manageable. BUT some people do not make plans ahead of time, or they only plan for themselves and do not think about the group. Constantly being on my toes gives me anxiety, and most of the time, I reciprocate with anger or indifference towards the person. As of writing, I have no idea how to manage this. What I can do right now is acknowledge that there are people around me who are like this right now.

• There are times when a person needs to be sneaky to achieve peace. I recently realized this, and I haven't entirely accepted it. I have also despised going behind a person's back or looking at their personal "space." But recent life developments have forced my hand and I hate doing it. If I don't do it, the consequences are more grievous. I sound like I am justifying my wrong actions, but the people who are close to me know the predicament I am in right now. I need to be a game planner behind the scenes to minimize possible complications because of certain people's... arrogance. I never said I was a "good" person, but being in this situation makes me question my morals, and I don't like it. Unfortunately, I have to live with it.

• Silence does not mean submission, sometimes it's the only means to survive - or make the "person" think that they are in control. I am contemplating if I should expound on this as it is quite complicated and goes against years of cultural "values." What I can say for now is, that values may differ in every generation, in every circumstance, and in every family. I am in no position to judge anybody, and I hope they do not judge me too.

These are some of the learning in the first two months of the year. I said it before, and I would like to say it again, I strive to live, learn, and not "perfect" but be a better person for those around me. I do not expect it to be a walk in the park, and I know that these may take years or even forever, but I hope I improve with every step and learning that I have.

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays everyone! 🌟

A little trivia about the photo.

This is actually the first time we were all together in one photo since... 5 years ago?

I am the eldest and the shortest between my siblings and me. Yes, the tallest is our youngest - and only brother.

This Christmas was different from our previous holidays. I won't delve into many details but definitely, this is one for the books - both the joy and the pain behind it.

Remember, a photo will not always say the whole picture. 📷

15 days into 2021

Things I had planned seem to not push through according to how I wanted them to happen. :(

Though there are small happy moments that I am content and thankful for :)

Some plans seem to be very slow, and some that are extremely fast and unexpected.

Still trying to learn how to accept things that hurt me and use them in my favor. Easier said than done. /sigh

People I know threatened to sue me, though it was a misunderstanding, I still hold a grudge against them because they think low of me. I received an apology, though it felt more of a defense for their unjust views and not a sincere apology.

I try to be a respectful and understanding person, though I know that I have my faults, flaws, and fangs. I am contemplating being the b*tch that they think that I am. Might as well live it, right? But I guess there are still some good values in me as I can still hold back and be mum about stuff, though I don't know until how long...

Of course, there are moments that I broke my silence. It caused me some trouble, but I just think it should no longer be overlooked.

Small victories for the first fifteen days of the year are temporary, but I am proud of them.

I have a lot of plans in mind just really need the resources and the drive. I hope I get there.

I would like to pursue old and new interests. I hope I can do them before the year ends.

For now, I live one day at a time.

Christmas is for the Kids, and Food are for Adults

At the start of December, my sister and I unboxed the Christmas tree and other decors. We never had themes for our Christmas decorations, simply put them all together and, voila! It's done.

For this year, my sister and I decided to print our kid's favorite cartoon characters, let them color them, and hang them on them in the tree as decors. I then bought some Christmas balls and garlands to add to the tree. We didn't have a star, so I made one out of paper origami. It wasn't the best Christmas star, but the kids liked it.

As for my sister and me, we decided to print pictures of our favorite Jpop groups and hang them on a line. After I displayed the prints, my sister commented that it looked like the white paper hanging in front of a shrine. She jokingly clapped her hands together and said a "prayer" under the prints.

Next were the gifts for the kids. We already bought some of the books, toys, shoes, and clothes more than a month before December because most were already on sale. Our dilemma was hiding them in plain sight. It was tricky, but we made it.

The last-minute preparation was a Jollibee plush toy that we bought a week before Christmas. We know the three kids love Jollibee, and I saw an ad where the plush toy was featured. I immediately searched if it was being sold and how to get it. Luckily it was available at the nearest Jollibee store near our house, and we bought three Jollibee plush toys, one for each of them.

I knew the kids would just rip through the packaging, so I decided to wrap all the gifts in brown paper that I have accumulated this year from grocery shopping. I then decorated it with cut-outs from magazines, and I even put their initials on their gifts, so they know whose is whose.

Christmas is definitely for the kids.

For the adults? The feast.

For this year, instead of having our usual spaghetti, we decided to have baked macaroni. The reason behind this was because we bought 5kilos of macaroni noodles for a low price. We are glad that the baked macaroni was a success considering this was the first time we made it. Though it was generally easy to make, I get nervous when I do something for the first time.

It was also my first time to successfully bake lime muffins. This was not my first attempt baking lime muffins. Previous attempts were a fail, and this is the first time that I perfected it. My daughter even liked it.

Christmas is truly for the kids. For adults, it is a chance to prepare something new and noteworthy for our family. Especially since we are amid a pandemic.

CLP 2013 Batch 2 Chronicles: solace

find solace in the people whom you trust and love the most.

find solace in the most unexpected places, people and things.

i have been having personal struggles and i did not know how to address them,

so kept my silence.

i would cry it out, feel better, and then later, it would return.

then, a friend from SFC had a request.

there was nothing new about the request.

i was used to these kind of requests.

the most interesting thing about the request is the timing.

before, i used to believe in coincidence.

but since i started to be part of SFC,

this belief changed.

i now believe that things happen for a reason.

yes, it is painful and hard to accept, but it happens for a reason.

it's difficult to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel, still, it happens for a reason.

anyways, so the timing of the request of my friend was impeccable.

he asked for a dance routine for a song.

i was familiar with the song, so i thought it wasn't a biggie.

then it hit me.

as i was listening to the song, i felt that jolt in my heart.

ideas, visions and animated images filled my head.

i felt goosebumps that i haven't felt for a long time.

this was it!

i knew this was a message from God and his messenger was my friend.

He knew the perfect timing.

He knew how to awaken my senses.

"Here I am helplessly crying in your presence but you never questioned why. with open arms You welcomed me. I find solace in Your embrace."

My Lord, thank you for the people whom you have sent to send you message of concern and love for me.

I thank you for the gift of music, gift of movement and most of all the gift of talent.

I am not the best dancer in the world, but when I dance in your honor, I know that I am blessed with your graces.

Thank you for the people who reminded me of your love.

Thank you for the people who caught me when I was falling.

Thank you for the people who gave time and concern for your lost servant.

Thank you Lord for your grace and love.

Amen.

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special mention: thank you Harris Alas. :)

sfc icon 2013: witness

hi everyone! (^_^) how are you? the last time i posted an entry, i mentioned something about dance practice.  well, the dance practice was for the opening night for the annual SFC ICON. (^_^) the theme for this year is "witness". this is in relation to the CFC theme this year, "obey and witness." anyways, it was mentioned in one of the talks that one cannot truly witness, if one does not obey.

to make it more concrete, in my case as one of the many performers, i had to obey the choreographer to be able to witness and be part of the performance. i saw the differences in people and those who really have the talent. i met people who were humble and they are willing to reach out to those who have difficulty getting the steps, at the same time, i met people who were too proud and were nagging and "selfish." despite this, we all had to obey to be part of the whole performance.

to be able to be a witness to the greatness of God, i have to learn to obey to his will and plans for me. this is easier said than done. as humans who are given the free will, we have plans for the future that we plan to accomplish. obeying God's plans may be difficult but it may mean going against hat we plan for ourselves. obeying means accepting, accepting what God has planned for us even if this is very challenging and difficult to achieve. obeying needs trust, strength and courage. we don't know what the future has for us, we are left to trust to whatever the God decides to plan for us. we need strength and courage to live out the plans of God, we have to admit, it's a battlefield in this world. we experience challenges and oppression that are just too painful to bear, but in the end we still rise up and face this journey we call life. (^_^) obeying means surrender. we surrender everything to God, whatever our plans are, whatever we face, whatever we do, we all surrender it to God. the smiles, the tears, the ups, the downs, the success, the failures, everything, we surrender it all to God. what do we get in all of this?

we become a witness.

we become a witness to how God can greatly influence our lives. we become living witnesses that despite the cruelties of this world, we can live day by day with hope and positive disposition. we know that at the end of the day, however shitty the day is, we still look forward to the gift of life we receive upon waking up the next day. (^_^) is that all that is to being a witness?

of course not!

being a witness also involves the people you interact with. the people you make memories with, the people who influence you, the little girl you teach in catechism, the kids who wait for you in the classroom for you to teach them, the stranger who smiled at you as you two were passing by each other, the cashier who gave you your change when you bought food, the guard who greeted you as you entered the building, the demanding boss, the strict mentor, everyone! every person that becomes a part of your life has involvement in you being a witness. how you talk to them, how you treat them, how you think of them, these are manifestations on how far you have witnessed as God's servant and how you share being a witness a living witness to God's love.

in my case, despite the clash in ideas and personalities during the dance practice for the SFC ICON, the choreographers were patient, strict and professional. they had every good intention even if they can be very harsh in their criticisms. as performers with different levels, experience  in dancing, from different chapters and clusters, we shared our knowledge and experience. we learn from each other and we form new connections and friendship. we learn how to deal with different people, we learn to spread and share the love of God that is within us.

lastly, prayers. there is nothing impossible in prayers. say prayers of thanksgiving, prayers of sorrow, prayers of happiness, prayers of doubt, prayers for family and friends, prayers for the sick, prayers for the dearly departed. you will never go wrong with prayers. prayer time is the time for reflection, your alone time with God, you one-on-one date with God.

in this SFC ICON 2013, i obeyed, i witnessed and i became an involved witness to God's greatness. (^_^)
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ps. here are the pictures from the conference. majority of the pictures are from my household head, jen ocbena. others are from my friends. (^_^)

family/ movie day

sunday is always family day.

as much as possible, we would stay at home or do things with the whole family.

this sunday, we went out for a family lunch then we watched the movies we liked.

papa, mama and ryo watched the movie Brave.

while rei and i watched Sadako 3D.

the reason for watching the movie was pretty obvious,

Seto Koji (^_^) and Yamamoto Yosuke.

i wont deny that we were feeling a little arrogant while inside the theater.

hontou ni gomenasai! m(_ _)m

tired with preprations

spent my afternoon doing the part one of of two ofcleaning of the living room of the house.

part two tomorrow will be very tiresome too. (-_-)

been busy preparing for events nowadays.

i wonder why...

/sigh

family trip

hello everyone! sorry i was not able to blog immediately about our trip. it took some time before i could upload all the photos and i have been quite busy... sleeping that is (^_~) since we arrived, except for today, i fixed the condo. (^_^) anyways, here are the details of our family trip. (^_^)

to naga and day 1
the adventure of this family trip started when we rode the bicol express train from manila to naga city, camarines sur. it was our first time to ride this specific train and it was our first time to ride in a sleepers coach. the travel time was approximately 12 hours, but supposed to be it was only for 10 hours. we didn't mind the long travel time because we were enjoying the experience of sleeping and eating in the train. (^_~) oh, i almost forgot, by chance, señor jaime fabregas was on the same coach with us, only on a different sleepers chair/bed. anyways, when we arrived at naga, we ate breakfast at jollibee. then we visited the san francisco church. after our church visit we rode a taxi to pasacao, camarines sur. there we stayed for a night. when we arrived at the resort, we got our room and immediately prepared for the agenda for that day. we rode a boat to an island and swam there. when you look at the pictures closely, the foot of the island is not a beach. it's actually black rocks immediately meeting the sea. i was really amazed! after about an hour of swimming we went back to the resort for our lunch, which was prepared with freshly caught seafood. delicious! we had about 15 minutes of rest then we headed to our next destination, the suminabang cave, via boat. we saw stalactite and stalagmite formations. after that we went to another part of an island and we had our second round of swimming. the sand at the second venue was yellowish and we saw these amazing colored stones. we were there for quite a time before we decided to call it a day and return to the resort. it was still a little early for dinner so we had snacks, bread and whatever leftovers we had during the train ride. i had a bottle of tanduay ice while my parents had beer. my brother still wanted to swim so i accompanied him at the beach which was just a few steps from our resort. come dinner time, we had this large shrimp. yes! a large shrimp! it was the best dinner that we had. and that was the end of day 1.

day 2
we had our simple breakfast, leftover from the train ride, and then we got a taxi back to naga city. on our way, we passed by an old church, the st. joseph the worker church. we said our prayers, looked around then we continued our travel. we attended mass at the naga cathedral. after the mass, we started looking around the church. after that we went to our hotel, golden leaf hotel. though my parents did not like the fact that we were on the fourth floor, they still liked the balcony. (^_~) special mention, the doves beside the balcony. anyways, we then walked around to find souvenirs. after that we had our lunch at the mall. again, the food was delicious! despite the commercial place, the food tasted quite authentic and fresh. after our meal, we went to the supermarket to buy some food to eat during our church visits that afternoon. we passed by the hotel to drop off some things then we rode the tricycle to the our lady of peñafrancia basilica. the church was huge and there were beautiful colored glass designs. we went behind the altar and wiped the statue of the our lady of peñafrancia, and prayed for a few minutes. after the basilica, we then went to the our lady of peñafrancia church, it was the original church of the our lady of peñafrancia. the church was smaller but still beautiful. after visiting the church, we visited the cemetery behind the old church. we took pictures of the designs of the tombstones. you rarely see these designs on the present tombstones. we finished early with our church visits so we decided to take a taxi to another church which was at the other town. we visited an old church, the bombon church and the leaning tower of bombon, the bell tower of the said church. it's not clear on the pictures but the tower was really leaning on it's side. you really have a feeling that it was about to fall. after we said our prayers, we looked around, then went back to the hotel. we rested for some time before we went out for dinner. the dinner was our father's birthday dinner so we ate at a japanese restaurant. oh, his birthday was the next day but we decided to have the birthday dinner that night because the next night, we would be traveling back to manila. anyways, for dinner, we had shabu-shabu and okonomiyaki. really delicious! it did not taste commercial like the japanese food here in manila. the japanese food really tasted authentic. it was such a great meal! after eating we headed back to the hotel to rest and get ready for our last day at naga city.

day 3 and departure from naga
for our last day, we only had one agenda, to visit the museo del seminario conciliar de nueva caceres. the museum is beside the cathedral. it featured memorabilia of prominent bishops from the town, ecclesiastical vessels and artifacts, paintings and archaeological finds like burial jars and chinese wares. after the tour, we had some rest at a small shop near the area. we then headed back to the hotel to eat lunch and to prepare out things for the trip back to manila. while we were fixing our things, we noticed that it was raining. we were really lucky to finish all our visits before it started to rain. (^_^) before we left, i took a last picture of the view from the balcony, the isarog mountain. (^_^) we did not go straight to the train station since it was still too early for our train, so we went to the mall to buy food for our trip and to each early dinner. after about two hours, we went to the train station. luckily we were able to get tickets for the sleepers bad/room. we once again took our own beds, ate some and slept the whole trip. we arrived at manila after 12 hours.

my family spent most of the day sleeping when we arrived. but for me, i had a different agenda.

please see next post. (^_^)V

oh! by the way, did you all notice that i was wearing dresses the while trip? (^_~)

busy preparations

there are so many things i am preparing for!

a surprise, a video, an event and a family summer vacation.

each has their own specific details that i hope i don't forget. (>_<)

i hope i can do this.

i will do my best!

itinerary

here i am, doing again an itinerary for our family trip.

this is horribly draining... (-_-)

weekend

my weekend will be very very busy.

i did not even plan 3/4 of it.

in the end,

i had to cancel one engagement.

sadly, it was the one i was hoping i could go to. (T_T)

but i had to do it so as to avoid problems,

and out of respect to my mother's family.

branches

broke off some dried branches from our bougainvillea (^_^)

i plan to do something with them in the future. (^_~)

busy

busy preparing for the vietnam-cambodia trip.

hope i don't forget anything.

(-_-) /tired

preparations

i spent some hours of the day preparing for tomorrow and for the Vietnam-Cambodia trip.

some preparations are done so i will be going to the next step. (~_~)

by the way,

today was the first day of the D-stage production,

Merchant of Venice.

(~_~)

i'm sure they all did their best.
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COUNTDOWN: 1 DAY!
TOMORROW IS THE DAY!

errands + lunch with high school friends

i feel accomplished today. (~_~)

i had 5 errands to attend to today,

and i was able to do them all.

i also had lunch with my high school friends at The Old Spagetti House (TOSH). (~_~)

food was great!

anyways,

though we were not complete i really really really enjoyed the company.

especially lee and mich.

thanks lee for the invite and the anecdotes about your baby encounters.

i love your cute stories.

till next time dears. (^x^)

on a side note,

i once again asked rei to take a picture of me because i love my outfit for our lunch-out. (~_^)
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COUNTDOWN: 15 DAYS!

reservation fee and april plans

this afternoon,

i went to University of the East - Ramon Megsaysay Memorial Medical Center, Inc. (UERM) to pay the reservation fee for the College of Medicine.

when i received the list of requirements,

i realized that the deadline, also the enrollment, was between april 25 to may 6.

the above mentioned week is the preparation week for our trip to vietnam-cambodia.

also, i will be coming back from the province on the 24th of april.

looks like i have to fix my requirements before i leave for the province.

tomorrow i will be working on my requirements so that when i arrive from the province on the 24th,

i can already pass my requirements the next day.

my april will definitely be very very very busy.

list of preparations:

1. requirements for UERM
2. preparation for the holy week
3. preparation for the vietnam-cambodia trip
4. other sudden errands from my parents.

if i were to details these,

it will be very long. (^_^) V

hope i would be able to handle it all. (~_^)
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COUNTDOWN: 24 DAYS!

postponed

minna~

remember the trip to Vietnam - Cambodia i have been planning?

well, it was postponed for next year.

the first reason was because we were not able to book the flight we wanted to get.

we were late for only overnight. (TwT)

i was really sad about it because i was planning it all.

i was already 70-75% finished with the planning,

and then everything was cancelled.

i was "rampaging" internally and comically screaming externally.

i even felt tears but of course i had to wipe them off.

after almost half a day and a "re-encouragement/reinforcement" talk with my father,

i was able to move on.

i realized that now that it is postponed for another year,

we can plan it better and we can save more money for the trip.

add to that, because the trip was postponed,

we can concentrate more on other things.

one of these things is the preparation for the debut of rei which is on october.

other things are the summer plans and the "surgery" of my brother, ryo.

(~_~)

i feel better now.

minna, thank you for reading.

oyasumi.

snapped

i just snapped. (T_T)

kami-sama!

tasukete kudasai!

itinerary

for half a day i have been planning an itinerary for our Vietnam - Cambodia trip for may this year.

i'm feeling stressed about it as my father is pressuring me and all.

unfortunately, i'm cranky so i easily snap at his comments which i think are unnecessary.

add to that, this is my first time doing the flight scheduling,

searching and all this stuff for an out-of-the-country trip.

anyways, i hope i do a better tomorrow with the itinerary though.