For the last four years, I have been socially withdrawn, limiting my interaction and social ties with siblings, my parents, and a handful of friends. Then again, I am an introvert in the first place. It just happened that my world seemed smaller after I gave birth to my daughter about 5 years ago.
This pandemic seemed to have just worsened my condition.
I saw a documentary about people who disappear on their own accord and the hikikomori culture, both from Japan. I am aware of the hikikomori culture in Japan. Though this was the first time that there was a slightly positive tone to it. Here is a link to the documentary:
This gave me insight that I was not expecting.
I understand the intention and the feelings of people who want to suddenly disappear and have a new life. I will not lie. The thought is at the back of my head, but of course, I will not do it. Though I never really realized that there was such a phenomenon in Japan. Some people cannot keep up with the expectations that are set up for them. This can be daunting, especially if you have a family - I am one of those people.
Excuses and weakness are what other people would say. This notion is toxic. These views may even be one of the culprits why "escape" feels like the only option.
In Japan, some teenagers feel that they do not fit in society and cannot escape. Locking themselves inside the room seems to be the solution, the hikikomori culture. Staying within one's comfort zone seems a comfortable decision. Though in the long run, there are grave consequences that are also mentioned in the documentary.
In the documentary, I heard about Futokos, kids who develop anxiety and refuse to physically go to school. This has been a concern for years now. But it comes out there are small groups now that create a better environment for these kids. When the children eventually adjust, they successfully go back to the school system.
A kid that was considered a futoko has decided to be home-schooled. The parents support his decision. Personally, I think parents' support is a big help in any decision of a child.
Personally, I felt the anxiety of going to school when I was younger. But my feelings were downplayed, and they said I was too sensitive. As a young child, it has always been instilled in me. Growing up, I have always felt insecure, incapable, and lacking in confidence. Though I have been trying to change that in my adult years, there are times that I still second-doubt myself.
Socially isolating myself by living in the province had its pros and cons. Life in the rural is definitely simpler. My problem was that the type of education my daughter needed was not in the province - or so I thought. We moved to the city months before my daughter's school was supposed to start. Unfortunately, the pandemic happened. The rest is history.
I was about to prepare myself for the hustle and bustle of being in the city. But in the end, my social isolation was extended.
In addition to my social isolation status, I recently deactivated my Facebook account for security reasons. I only left two social accounts active and my blog. Once again, I limited my social connections. Mind you, this is an opportunity for me to re-assess the people that I am friends with on social media. It has only been a week since I deactivated my Facebook account, but I already sense a little peace and calm in my daily life. We will see what might happen in the next few weeks.
Being socially withdrawn for some time now, maybe it's not that bad as most people describe it. In my case, I was able to find people who accept me for being socially withdrawn. Shout out to my high school friends who would welcome me when I "appear" and understand when I "disappear." Also, a big thank you to my sister Rei, always there for me every day, literally. 😃😃😃
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