untitled entry

my parents always told me that the world is not perfect.

they said that i was the type of person who did not see the bad or the imperfections of the world.

people warned me of my expectations.

they said i was an idealist.

it made me think.

was i simply optimistic or ignorant?

did i choose to be oblivious to what is happening around me?

was this my way of protecting myself from being hurt?

or is it a way for me to have a better view of the world we live in?

is it a thin line or i just do not have enough experience on how to deal with life?

struggles

as humans, it's part of life that we experience struggles. there are those who are blessed and are able to to withstand the struggles. they stand victorious at the end of such difficult predicaments. there are those who fail and lose hope.

one of the difficult struggles is letting go of a past that is too painful to bear. after a year and a half within the sfc community, i have greatly changed as advised by my household head, ate jen-jen. i believe this true for i could cite experiences that i never thought i could ever do. all this time, i thought that i have been "healed" and i have surpassed the baggage of my past. just yesterday i was proved wrong. what makes it more painful is that the person who "reminded" me of the past is a person i have greatly admired. this person does not even have an idea of what happened. this person was simply kind and would be the least person who would do harm to others. of course, i could not disclose it to that person but i was able to get a grip of myself and just continue with whatever we were doing. the day was about to end, and i thought whatever it was that i remembered, it would just pass by. unfortunately, that was not the case. the struggle seemed to "multiply" as i heard specific praise songs that really tore my heart. the feeling was just too much to bear.

the struggle of trying to figure out if all this time, am i still harboring that "pain" or is this merely a test? a reminder of how far i have gone?

what am i afraid of? that i will relapse to who i "was"

what am i thinking/feeling? i feel lost and troubled, but on the other hand, i am thankful that it was that person and not a different person who made me remember it. it was sad but it would rather be that person than anyone else.

what will i do now? pray. that is my strongest weapon. pray for strength, pray for guidance, pray for discernment and clarity.

like what my fellow sfc friends said, struggles seem to be more different and difficult as you serve God more. but despite that, have faith and all will be well in the right time.

the Lord is never early, never late.

thank you ate jen jen and ate jean for listening. (^_^)

"feels"

you know that moment when you just feel your heart will break, not because of sadness but because of excessive feelings?

yup, they call it the "feels."

i am a very emotional person and i obviously get easily excited, sad, dramatic, giddy, etc.

it almost everyday that i get this "feels".

despite it being common to me,

i am no exception to that feeling that is extremely unexplained.

you could say that its even "stronger" for people like me are very in-touch with our emotional side. (^_~)

so, why the post?

well... to tell you the truth, there is no special reason. (^_^)

i just had the urge to write something about it.

hmmm... maybe i'm just feeling...

how do you say this?

reminiscent of the past year? (^_^)

hehehe...

the year is about to end in a few days,

and there will be a new year ahead that is full of ups and downs.

i wonder what i will experience this coming year?

feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllsssss (^w^)

ps. hey! i have a new tag "feels" hahahaha!

leap year

the first hing i remember is it's fuji syuusuke's birthday.

i would really have enjoyed celebrating it,

unfortunately, the circumstances have prohibited me from doing so.

too busy with school stuff and some news that is just really annoying.

that's all. i will be posting something more logical and less annoying or aggressive tomorrow.

ja~

me

internal struggle.

drama

recently, there was one incident that made me really sad.

i was too affected, i was lifeless when i went to school.

being the emotional person that i am,

it took some time before i could recover.

how i recovered?

shed the tears,

visit the chapel,

sing church songs,

a hug (thank you Bethania Carrasco),

a long rainy walk from school to house

and to tire myself making bread.

i feel much better now.

i can smile once again. (~_~)

first long exam

our first long exam will start tomorrow.

it will be until the end of the week.

i know i still have lots more to do,

to learn and to study.

i hope i would finally be able to stable myself.

there is something bothering me right now,

or should i say,

i make it bother me.

i know this is selfish,

but i really wish i could get some answers about it in a few days.

but if it is not the right time,

then i'll just let it there for a while.

right now,

the long exam is my priority.

i'm not sure if i could still blog this week but i'll surely try my best.

this is one of my ways to minimize stress.

till next time.

(~_~)

千の言葉と二人の秘密

i have been looking for a full version of this song since the first time i heard it from the promotional video of the drama, 恋の正しい方法は本にも設計図にも載っていない. (^_^)

starring Nakagawa Shoko and Suzuki Hiroki.

i was able to watch the second the the third but i was not able to follow up on it since i became so busy with work.

though the drama is already finished, i still tried to look for the song.

and now the result if my "search"

(^_^)

Go! Go! G-boys

warning! this is a BL themed movie!

rei and i watched the movie Go! Go! G-Boys last tuesday.

since it started very wacky, i thought it would be like that for the whole movie.

but as the story progressed, the drama and the seriousness started to blossom.

we have not finished the movie but i was already telling rei that i love the movie and it was a "classic" in my virtual collections of BL favorites.

by the end of the movie, i could not stop saying

"nakakalig... touching... i love it... "

♥ (^_^) ♥

drama of my life (again)

there are things in life that i refuse to admit that i regret.

i would like to think that it is part of life and there was nothing to regret in the first place because it is part of "experience."

all this time i have believe in "forget regret, or life is yours to miss... no day but today."

but seeing how awful and disappointing things have been, i would say that i do regret "it."

on a different note, there are also things that i have done that i do not regret but i'm still trying to deal with.

now this, is what i do consider is part of "experience."

oh! i pray that things will work out fine.

it may sound "the end" but for me, it means triumph...

I WILL GET MY CURTAIN CALL!

(=^_^=)

too much drama for one day

yes, there was just too much that i decided not to put more detail into it anymore. but i'm glad with the fact that upon coming home, i hear songs that made me smile and dance. ^_^

thanks rei ♥

special mention: kimi no te by pureboys ♥