A year since I revived my blog, how am I?

Last year, I decided to revive my blog on my 30th birthday. A year has passed, and I thought of giving a rundown of what has happened this past year.

I started blogging again for personal and "selfish" reasons - for my mental health. I reread my post from last year and realized how crass the post sounded. I didn't mean to sound rude. During that time, I felt that working on my mental health was a selfish thing to do as a mother, and I felt guilty. Thankfully, I have friends who supported me and constantly reminded me that it's ok to find time and splurge on myself once in a while.

Even before the pandemic started, I have been struggling emotionally and mentally. I decided to do something about it and go back to the basics. One of those was blogging.

For the first few months, my posts were light-hearted. As the year progressed, I shared my opinions, stand in political and national issues, past experiences, raw emotions, anger, and frustrations. The posts right now range from random things that inspire me or my opinions/ideas that I would like to share.

Trying new things, rediscovering past hobbies, and a change I made

Growing up, I have always been afraid to try something new, afraid to fail and disappoint. The only time that I felt confident in trying something out of the ordinary was when I was in college. But after that, I would not say that I was a risk-taker. This past year, I tried learning new skills like baking, trying new cooking recipes, starting a business, planting an urban garden, fixing a shower, and investing in stocks. I also revisited past hobbies like drawing, dancing, photography, and playing the piano. Most were trial and error, but there were moments of success. Fear and laziness still delayed me from starting the projects. But when I eventually got to it, whether it was a success or a failure, I felt accomplished. This time around, I didn't put any pressure on myself. Whatever the results may be, at least I tried. It is only recently that I accepted that it does not matter if I am good at my hobbies. What is important is I can do it, and I enjoyed doing it.

One thing I changed that impacted my mental health was temporarily deactivating my Facebook for a month. And when I reactivated it, I limited my use of the platform to sell things. I rarely scroll through my feeds or react to posts. It was a life-changer for me.

My future plans

Around January last year, I decided I will be taking a course in Caregiving. The classes got delayed due to the pandemic, but it eventually pushed through last November. Saying I get anxious about becoming a caregiver, especially abroad, is an understatement. I am currently in the middle of the course, and I am still questioning my ability to deliver. I am scared of uncertainty. But at the end of the day, I don't want the feeling of regret for not taking the opportunity. Currently, this is the route I am choosing for my future. I am hoping to find purpose upon taking up this new chapter in my life.

I mentioned trying new things, harnessing new skills, and rediscovering past interests. But other than that, we had a struggle last year that we will never forget. It was when three members of our family tested positive for COVID 19. The level of anxiety, anger, and uncertainty was off the roof. Thankfully, nobody else got infected, and everyone eventually tested negative after two weeks of quarantine. It was a trying year for my family and me, but we continue to move forward.

How am I a year after I started this self-project of mine?

As compared to last year, I have a better understanding of my ability and skills. I have more confidence in trying new things, accepting failure, and clear goals on what I want to do or happen in my life. Little by little, I can say that I am comfortable with who I am.

What do I have to work on and improve?

I am aware that there is still a lot that I need to develop within myself, like consistency, patience, and self-control. These are some of the attributes I still have to improve. There are times I would still second-guess myself, and I still feel anxiety when things suddenly go awry.

The battle with my personal "monsters" has just begun.

Hopefully, my 31st year has better outcomes for me in the future.

Thank you for everyone's support, especially from my sister and my friends.

"If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy." -Kristin Chenoweth