Death/ Pandemic/ Suicide

Warning: this post may be sensitive and depressing. I would not blame you if you decide not to read it.

Statistically, someone dies everyday. Though nobody really had interest in it until now, during the pandemic.

I myself experience death in the family during the pandemic. My grandfather didn’t die because if the virus, he died because of complications in his health. We were already expecting his death, so in a way, we were emotional prepared for it. What we did not prepare for though is the burden of not being able to give him a proper send-off ceremony.

I guess it’s almost the same, but not quite, with the family members of those who were infected by the virus. The family members see death, and they know it will come to that, but they cannot be by their love one’s side on their last breath.  Though there are those who survive, there are those who have succumbed to death, alone, on the bed, with no love ones beside them.

What we don’t see in the statistics of death right now are those who commit suicide. Recently, there is news about the Japanese actor Miura Haruma who allegedly committed suicide. Reports say it may be drug related. Personally, suicide is a sensitive topic, not because I am scared of it, it’s because I have attempted it. I haven’t really been open about it to anyone, except a handful of people. Though I still have the urge once in a while, I have been more conscious of how to deal with it. Unfortunately, my way of dealing with it may be different with the way other deals with it.

Suicide is still taboo for most cultures around the world and I am afraid there might be an increase in suicide cases during the pandemic and most will just ignore it.

Due to the physical distancing, people feel more isolated. Based from experience, isolation is the worst environment for those who have suicidal thoughts. Others would say “It’s him/her who wants to be isolated. They don’t even want to talk when we try to talk to them.” The truth is, we want to talk but we also have that thought inside of us that we don’t want to burden other people with our own baggage. Believe me, it’s a whirlwind of emotions inside of us. So much that we become speechless and we simply have no words for it. We like the company, just don’t force us to talk. We will eventually talk, when we feel we have the strength to do it.

The pandemic has limited everyone’s resources and those who are greatly affected by this are those who are low-income earners. There are more people in the streets right now begging for food and money just to survive. I hope this doesn’t happen, but it is not impossible, if they cannot provide anything for their family anymore, they will end their life. It’s a far-fetched idea, but it is not impossible. Desperation wrecks your mind in a whole new level.

I know I cannot do much right now. I try to help every now and then but I too have my own struggles, financially. Prayers are most that I can give for everyone, specially those who are greatly struggling, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Other than death about about by the pandemic, this may even be the death of the human psyche.