discipline

It is already our fourth week of classes. We already had three quizzes and I’m still trying to grasp my own study styles. This is definitely a struggle for me.

I will be sharing my thoughts about the atmosphere I am at right now.

Remember my entry about feeling different from my classmates? Well, I thought I was just exaggerating, being emotional or something but after four weeks, I realized it may be the truth at a certain extent. It is true that in medicine we have to thoroughly understand and know the details of the human body and other processes in the body. It is also a given that medicine is science heavy. My pre-medicine course was BS Psychology and I am very proud of it. Mostly, our course was analysis and human behavior. We had sciences that discussed bodily processes, though the discipline and the point of view was very psychological. This may be the reason why I am having difficulty in grasping our subjects which is very science heavy. My discipline, which I only noticed when I started studying medicine, is very different. I do not deny that I am at a disadvantage compared to my classmates who have a pre-medicine course which is also science heavy (nursing, biology, medical tech, nutrition). Though I know that I am at a disadvantage, I still have this feeling of being better than others. I know I sound very proud but I do not mean it to sound that way. Please understand that I am merely expressing what I feel and I have no intention of being boastful or anything. I am merely saying that I have this feeling that there is something from the discipline I learned that makes me feel this way. I myself cannot explain it. Some may think that it is a defense mechanism, I would not know if that is it or not. I cannot analyze myself, that is one of the important learning from studying psychology.

One of our subjects this semester is Disease Prevention and Control in the Family and the Community. I personally know a classmate who thinks that this is a minor subject and it should not be given that much attention compared to our anatomy, physiology and biochemistry. This classmate even said that she hates the subject. I am against this notion. As future physicians, I believe these subjects are also important for subjects like these are the ones that discuss about involvement and relationship with the community. We will be facing the community, we have to be involved with them to be able to give them the medical or health education that they need and we can offer. As I was reflecting about this, I could not remove the possibility that my defense for such subjects is because it is closely similar to my pre-medicine course and to the discipline that I come from. At some point, this may be true.

Another thought I would like to share is the class environment. I grew up not having a sense of competition. When I was living in the province, people around me asked what my standing in my class was (top, honor student, etc.) Initially, I did not understand what they meant. It was only later on (near my last year in grade school) that I found out that there was such a thing as “competition” even during early stages of development (4-5 years old). I felt envy but never competition. I was envious of my cousins who had better grades than me. I was envious of those who were better in the arts than me, but I never saw them as competition. Never did I think of surpassing any of the people I envied. What I wanted to surpass was myself, my own limitations. My present class or the environment I get from the class was competition. At some point, I thought I might just be overreacting or being oversensitive. But as the days pass by I realized I was not overly thinking or feeling about it. Competition was really evident in the class. I was surprised. I know that competition is everywhere, I was already expecting it but I realized I was never really able to accept it. This may be another reason why I felt totally different from my class. I understand that there is also friendly competition but I have this feeling that the concept of competition has been too molded in them that it has become a personality of theirs. Due to similarities in their competitive personality, they have become friends. Maybe this is the friendly competition? Unfortunately for me, it goes against my own personality. A clash in personality is a great hindrance for me and I really have to work on it. I also noticed that these people who are very competitive have this aura of being negative. I know I sound exaggerated, or maybe I am exaggerating but personally, this is what I feel and sense from a number of my classmates. Sad isn’t it?

I know that social interaction and support group is very essential in a person’s being but even though I know these, there are still factors or instances that just create walls or distance between me and the people around me. I know that I sound like a loner or an anti-social but I think otherwise. I have classmates that are also competitive but I am able to interact with them and not feel any personality clash or a negative aura. It just happened that the people whom I am usually with are those that clash with my personality.

I do not deny the fact that I myself have something to change to be able to interact and I am doing my best to reach out. But as I said earlier, there are factors that cannot be forced to interact and just do not make a peaceful atmosphere.

That is all for now. I still have another thought I would like to share but I would like to build it up first before I share it. For now, good night everyone.