- Patience is a virtue that I need to work on. This applies at home and at the school. Recent life changes and events have made me realize that I need to stretch my patience longer in the months ahead. Patience was once a trait I pride myself on. But as I grew older, I became more impatient, especially after giving birth. I find practicing patience at home more challenging than at school. Because at home, I am juggling between household chores and managing my family's "wants." - and these overwhelm me. While at school, I share my patience with other school staff interacting with the children. This in turn lightens the demand to be patient since it becomes a shared virtue among the staff.
- Planning ahead is a MUST. BUT SOME PEOPLE DO NOT BELIEVE THIS. Before having a family, I "go with the flow." Now that I have a family, I have made it a point to have a plan, a backup plan, and, if possible, a backup to the backup plan. And I make sure that nobody gets burdened by the plans. This has made my previous plans less anxious and roadblocks more manageable. BUT some people do not make plans ahead of time, or they only plan for themselves and do not think about the group. Constantly being on my toes gives me anxiety, and most of the time, I reciprocate with anger or indifference towards the person. As of writing, I have no idea how to manage this. What I can do right now is acknowledge that there are people around me who are like this right now.
- There are times when a person needs to be sneaky to achieve peace. I recently realized this, and I haven't entirely accepted it. I have also despised going behind a person's back or looking at their personal "space." But recent life developments have forced my hand and I hate doing it. If I don't do it, the consequences are more grievous. I sound like I am justifying my wrong actions, but the people who are close to me know the predicament I am in right now. I need to be a game planner behind the scenes to minimize possible complications because of certain people's... arrogance. I never said I was a "good" person, but being in this situation makes me question my morals, and I don't like it. Unfortunately, I have to live with it.
- Silence does not mean submission, sometimes it's the only means to survive - or make the "person" think that they are in control. I am contemplating if I should expound on this as it is quite complicated and goes against years of cultural "values." What I can say for now is, that values may differ in every generation, in every circumstance, and in every family. I am in no position to judge anybody, and I hope they do not judge me too.
These are some of the learning in the first two months of the year. I said it before, and I would like to say it again, I strive to live, learn, and not "perfect" but be a better person for those around me. I do not expect it to be a walk in the park, and I know that these may take years or even forever, but I hope I improve with every step and learning that I have.
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