as humans, it's part of life that we experience struggles. there are those who are blessed and are able to to withstand the struggles. they stand victorious at the end of such difficult predicaments. there are those who fail and lose hope.
one of the difficult struggles is letting go of a past that is too painful to bear. after a year and a half within the sfc community, i have greatly changed as advised by my household head, ate jen-jen. i believe this true for i could cite experiences that i never thought i could ever do. all this time, i thought that i have been "healed" and i have surpassed the baggage of my past. just yesterday i was proved wrong. what makes it more painful is that the person who "reminded" me of the past is a person i have greatly admired. this person does not even have an idea of what happened. this person was simply kind and would be the least person who would do harm to others. of course, i could not disclose it to that person but i was able to get a grip of myself and just continue with whatever we were doing. the day was about to end, and i thought whatever it was that i remembered, it would just pass by. unfortunately, that was not the case. the struggle seemed to "multiply" as i heard specific praise songs that really tore my heart. the feeling was just too much to bear.
the struggle of trying to figure out if all this time, am i still harboring that "pain" or is this merely a test? a reminder of how far i have gone?
what am i afraid of? that i will relapse to who i "was"
what am i thinking/feeling? i feel lost and troubled, but on the other hand, i am thankful that it was that person and not a different person who made me remember it. it was sad but it would rather be that person than anyone else.
what will i do now? pray. that is my strongest weapon. pray for strength, pray for guidance, pray for discernment and clarity.
like what my fellow sfc friends said, struggles seem to be more different and difficult as you serve God more. but despite that, have faith and all will be well in the right time.
the Lord is never early, never late.
thank you ate jen jen and ate jean for listening. (^_^)
1 comment:
KAya mo yan bea , malalagpasan mo din yan, at kung sino man yang taong nag papahirap sa kalooban mo humanda xa pag nakita q xa hehehehe! joke :D always smile and think positive , binibigyan ka lang ng pagsubok para 2matag at lumakas pa ung faith mo kay God :D
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