drama of my life

walking has been part of my "life", my friends who are close to me can testify to that. i like walking for the sole reason that i am able to think about a lot of things while walking.

as i was walking home from work, i started to think about my life. what i want to happen in the future? what are my plans? i plan to take the medical aptitude test for Medicine on December but it suddenly hit me. do i plan to take up a specialization after med proper or i will just be general practitioner? if i become a general practioner, i will not be able to move forward and enhance my skills and knowledge since i won't be able to attend seminars and conventions (because seminars and conventions are usually based on a person's specialization/ department).

if i do stay in HR, i would have to pursue higher education because without it, i would not be able to move on and stay as an HR assistant. i want to evolve and be someone with a position wherein i can truly use my course. who would want to stay and be contented with just being an assistant?

i, like other people, have ambitions and i do not deny the fact that i am not contented with just being stable. call me "too proud" but i believe that i deserve more than just taking orders from other people. i know that i have to start somewhere, i accept that. but i am not going to stay in just one position. i am bound to progress, evolve and be successful.

upon reaching home, i talked to my parents about it and it made me cry. i felt that i had no direction in life and it was bothering me. in the end, i still stood by with what my father always told me, and what i tell to my friends.

"i will cross that bridge when i get there."

for now, i must focus with taking the medical aptitude test. if i get to attend med school then that's good. if i feel that i don't really fit into medicine after a year or two, i can just quit. but at least i tried. if i do not get to a med school, that's also good, at least i tried and i won't have regrets. which ever way, there will always be doors open for me. though i should also be aware that doors are not always open, they also close and i would have to decide whether or not i will enter or ignore the door of opportunity.

*****

my father: what do you really want to do?

me: what i really want to do cannot support me.

my father: what do you mean?

me: what i really want to do will not support me financially and i would not be sure if i would be able to survive that "industry"

(to self: to be able to dance and be part of the theatre industry would be my dream but to be realistic about it, i won't be able to support myself. plus, i don't have the talent. no matter how much a person works hard for something it will always be different if the person has talent for it. but i do not belittle the results of hard work because at the end of the day, everyone did thei best, it's just that, having the talent is still different.)

*****

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